sweetlittlething~

2011-09-19T04:47:00.000-07:00

19092011

I'm really happy seeing you guys having fun and all last Sunday, I just want to wish you guys all the best my ex university mates. Sometimes I just hope that I would have university friends who could last for years, maybe that's just what everybody says, now, even my close friends aren't close anymore, acquaintence maybe? I guess. At least I still have my urban life to lean and fall onto in times of trouble and misery and I really thank God for that, for He knows what I need and what I do not need. You guys kept saying that you're not excluded me from anything, but did you guys include me in anything? I guess not? Road trips and road trips, when did I ever got invited? Maybe the first time, yes, but because some didn't want me to come, I was excluded. Thanks for that, and may you all have a pleasant life ahead together. All the best.

2011-08-06T07:06:00.000-07:00

07082011

Being around people you used to be close with, and feeling awkward now, isn't the best thing in life. Reaching that point that you don't feel like mixing around with them anymore? Personally, it is just me and I am certainly not stating this in general. Being a loner ain't fun as blowing dandelions all over the garden as many of you may know and have stated many friends who had been in this situation before. Maybe you guys just didn't see it in me, that I am, naturally, one of them. Maybe I wasn't the one everybody's looking forward to see, looking forward to hear about, looking forward to share good news with, and many other situations. And maybe, I wasn't important at all, and I am well of that all these while. Better off just stay alone, be alone, shy away from society, why is all these things happening to me now? Moments that I thought I may be accompanied by many others but all these turned out so wrong that my life currently is ruined, and if it is not because of you darling, and my parents, I would just give up on my life here and travel back to my home country. Life here, the rejection, really hurts me. I may not put in enough effort, but I've reached the point that I don't fucking care already whether I have dinner dates, shopping dates, outing dates and all that matters because what I need is really a good friend. And so far, all I have is just acquaintances, including those I just met up with a couple of minutes ago for dinner. God, why are you treating me like this? Why are you letting me go through all these neglection and shits and I really wanted to laugh with you guys just now, but really, whatever that I say, no one EVER GIVES A FUCKING DAMN ABOUT! Sorry I seldom curse but I really really I hate this lah, just don't call me anymore, I feel like crying at the moment and I think I am, just leave me alone and I'll try to adjust myself to this new life of mine. Having been excluded from hell lots of things that you guys seemes to be doing together, without me, I'm just lost. I felt like crying when you guys asked me about single child life because that just adds to the misery that I am going through right now. You think my life is all butterflies and ponies but let me tell you this, my life is a FUCKING HELL I'll rather just live alone in the desert. So, please ask yourself this, what do you really know about me? Nothing really, after all these years, you guys still thinks I have a happy family. Going through these shits are really torturing, and I personally hate it when you guys talk about people you're close with because it hurts me, it pierces through my heart that those people ignores me now. You guys may think you know how I feel, but you don't. So, just let me cry in my little room of misery.

2011-08-02T06:09:00.000-07:00

02082011

Sometimes I wonder, what is like to belong? Or rather, I just forgot what is it like to belong. Circumstances, situations, personal reasons, knowing me, you'll know why, but I guess 99 out of 100 of you won't get what I mean because life seems perfect around you, rather, almost, until you neglect those people around you. Few weeks ago my pastor mentioned that we should not always be in our clicques until we tend to forget about the lone, it is not a need to, but through all these months I started to realize how lonely I actually am, being the lone one in the family despite born as an only child, outcast in my home church as there are no peers to share my thoughts with, forgotten by friends abroad most of the time, having to sit alone at lectures because though I have opportunities to, my presence won't be valued, or rather see it as a waste of time, me being there or not, makes no difference in their lives, also, enjoys being alone in my room; or rather, I should get used to that thought as there's no one to hang out with, scared to go out alone but my situation left me no choice, went home for winter holidays but was neglected and unappreciated by my bestfriends who kept talking among themselves and if I am not wrong, they did not even ask me a thing about my life in Melbourne. Don't this feel like being normal friends rather than bestfriends? This got me questioning whether do distance and time really matters in relationships like these, and I came to a conclusion that we're all just not making the effort to bond. Things like these really got me thinking what should I do at this moment? The truth is, I am already tired of making the effort to make friends anymore, as my existing ones are not even there for me. How I wish I was back in Malaysia, and just forget everything that has happened to me through these months. Things have changed, even my closest friends noticed this and mentioned to me. I'm abroad and she's not which is even worst for her situation and all she could do is to think positive and continue the current effort though it may not be as much help as it might seem. Anyway, being abroad for me ain't all candys and roses, rather, I shall compare it to thorns and piercings. Thanks for reading.

2011-06-17T22:32:00.001-07:00

18062011 This is the only place I could truly express myself and I can't help it if you're reading it because I have no where else to go, no one else to pour out to, I hope you'll understand and not get offended because of my personality and how I am acting these few weeks. Things aren't easy for me, and they will never be, with the fact that I still can't get over with this. You guys may think I am overreacting a little, but just let me be okay (: I feel better everytime I write it down though it may risk certain people reading it, but I guess I just couldn't care anymore. Like it or leave it and don't ever come back again. Thanks for Pingu, I'll cherish it (:

2011-06-17T12:56:00.000-07:00

18062011

Today is daddy's big big big birthday (:
And oh, its my uncle (Ah Deh's) biggggggg birthday as well! haha (brothers!)
Happy birthday dad (: and uncle (:
You know we love you both <3

2011-06-17T12:47:00.000-07:00

17062011 Gotten my ADS3 (Architecture Design Studio) results today and it was fawesome (: couldn't believe I got M for my fugly sectional perspective though, didn't think I deserve that but nah, everything's finally nearing the end of the line now, with 2Ms and 2M+ which added to an overall M haha, hard work paid off but I guess I am just hardworking and judging on presentation wise, it kinda failed me a little with printing errors, photoshop errors, wrong paper choice and wrong sectional scale. And yeah, I collected my construction working drawings as well and guess what, workbook was awesome, M+ and drawings, M+ as well but what shocked me was that my tutor wrote 98 below the M+ goshh, that really made my day. I guess I should try to love architecture more and more which I know I am trying, really hard, to be creative, constructive and imaginative. One more paper to go, Construction, ahh so what? I'll just do my best and God will do the rest (:

2011-06-16T08:38:00.001-07:00

17062011 After watching 'Definitely Maybe' and 'A Cinderella Story', I realize that you'll always be there for me no matter what and true love exists. Being my best friend and companion, you're always there to listen to me, make me laugh in times when i cry, make me feel good about myself, accompanying me through the night, tell me everything's okay when I feel that my world kept crashing down on me, and many more unexplainable things. You're just there for me every second, every minute and I can't explain just how grateful I am to have you when most of my friends turned their backs on me. Also, I am grateful that two of them came over and told me what did happened and that I wasn't rejected or anything by everyone, though that was what I thought and wouldn't stop thinking about day and night, often having to cry myself to bed because this is not how I want to be treated. Like what my besties always say about me, that I am the kind who is okay with anything, anyone, any plans, not fussy, everything's right with me, happy and always, not having all these dramas to deal with or even starting one. Yes, thats totally true just that I conceal all the dramas, pain and depression in my mind, in my heard, that the world slammed on me. These things are often played over and over again in my head like a ferris wheel, slowly, detailed memories, sad memories though, but in my case, it never stopped lik ehow a ferris wheel would stop to let in and out passengers. Nonetheless, I am happy that my friends came to sort out things with me, though I cried much through the process. She said to me, 'do you honestly mind when you knew about this....' Frankly, everyone would. It is just a matter whether they may choose to confront you, talk to you or just keep it to themselves forever. And today, I also found out that one of my friend who never did or want to talk to me since we came here, actually wanted to give me a call about the matter, telling me everything's okay. Though all of us know it would be sort of awkward for him to call me, at least now I knew we actually could be friends again, just a matter of time. It affected me physically, mentally, my studies, my relationships, if I would have a choice, I wouldn't want to be me. But it is only through all these circumstances, that I will learn how to handle life, and handle the world. Thank you God, for helping me go through everything that has happened to me. All the shits that I've been going through, I know it was there for a purpose, helping me grow stronger and mature in handling things like these in the future, not being so weak like what I am now, helping me get through these step by step. Letting out and learning to let go, I learnt. Thanks for listening though. Appreciate them much if you do <3

2011-06-16T04:19:00.000-07:00

16062011

Everything seems like its falling apart.
My life, my soul, the people I love.
Breaking me, breaking us.
Shattered into bits and pieces.
My heart, solely my heart.
That none cares about.

2011-06-16T01:40:00.000-07:00

16062011 I am sorry for how I acted just now after class. Just didn't want to include myself into any plans of yours for I think I don't deserve to be part of it, or rather the fact that I just don't like to be around people that hurt me over and over again, looking at your faces and lies, thanks for everything, it all ends here though we may still appear as friends. Things will never be the same anymore. Thank you for caring for me in the past and now as well, but I came to realize that the more you guys care for me, the more sympathetic i may be, thus shying away is the best solution I could think of though you guys may not agree with me. Heartaches are over, new beginnings are yet to come, erasing every single one of you from my life. It is just a matter of time.

2011-06-15T21:15:00.000-07:00

16062011 Why must my days start with tears? Most of my days in fact. Eventually, after a few rejections, I realized that things aren't going to change anymore. Friends aren't permanent and isolation begins to kick in when people don't bother or don't even feel like telling you what's going to happen, what's happening around with the rest, nah, its okay. I've been there, though many times already, I'm seriously hating this world right now, being in my state, you will do the same, might as well just turn your backs on everyone and live a lonely life in this foreign country. I know some of them didn't mean to hurt me, but I know, my presence wouldn't really make a difference anyway. Being there, not being there, you guys will still have fun no matter what. I am just nothing to everyone, a piece of junk, a punching board where I'm constantly hit, not in the face, but in the heart, piercing through my soul each time, each day I got rejected, as always. I guess this is the time for me to really sit down and think things, whether should I continue to be nice to everyone, invite them over for dinners, chats and all, maybe not already. There's seriously no point in doing that already. Shying away from the crowd hurts me more, no doubt, no friends, does it hurt? you bet it does, but that is the only way for me to avoid myself being hurt time after time. Things really changed. Everybody expect me to know things, but in fact, I actually don't and I am partly blaming myself for this. I should have known all these things, but turned out not and that costed me another round of rejection and depression. I guess that is my only relationship with the world now, with the society. My life here is fucking depressing with people around me not caring for me, taking advantage of me, just stop everything okay? Thank you for wasting five minutes of your life reading about my rejected life. I guess no one could ever relate to my state right now.

2011-06-13T10:19:00.000-07:00

13062011 Sometimes I wonder, who am I to everyone? What do I mean to everyone? Who are my friends? Who are my close friends? Who are those around me? These thoughts ran through my head early this morning and it is still lingering around, waking me up from my dreams of an almost perfect life. It snapped away the past of everything I used to know and everyone I used to love, just in a blink of an eye, everything seemed like a lie. Just like that, everything started to change, every perception of mine started to twist, every thought of mine slowly began to doubt itself. Life used to be simple to me, but it turned out that I've been living a lie all these years. Being in my shoes, is good, but as time passes, loneliness started to kick in, the environment changes, the streets change, people change, hearts change. Permanence? Nothing is permanent. Everything that I thought would last, didn't seem so already and I am tired of this, so very tired of this, of the world and of people around me. Though most of the time I let quietness and solitude overwhelm myself, it will eventually come to a point where I have to let some things out so I could let new miseries and rejection sink in. Partly I blame myself for not living up socially, as all that had happened to me prevented me from doing so, often telling myself that I'd be better off alone than with everyone. People do change due to circumstances and I am one of them. My friends are always there for me, sometimes, only a handful of people. Sometimes, you'll just loose trust in the rest, slowly losing touch as well, used to being close, so close, yet so far in heart after what they had done to you. There will always be a phase in life that you'll have to go through no matter what and right now, I guess I am trapped in the phase of rejection and solitude. Its okay, really. It takes time to really build up genuine friendship which I thought I had, once had, until today..this really disappointed me, piercing through my heart.

2011-06-13T10:05:00.000-07:00

12062011

Carrie Underwood - Temporary Home

2011-06-13T09:08:00.000-07:00

11062011

Mayday Parade - Bruised and Scarred

2011-06-13T08:42:00.000-07:00

10062011

The Script - Breakeven

2011-06-13T06:02:00.001-07:00

09062011

Jessie J -Price Tag

2011-06-02T04:26:00.001-07:00

02062011

When you think the world has abandoned you, God hasn't

2011-06-01T05:06:00.001-07:00

01062011

Rejected. As always. Sometimes, I rather be alone in my bubble, floating and bouncing my way through life, be my own navigator, be my own map, not having to cling on to anything or anyone, telling me what to do and what not, forgetting about my past, floating my days away, until one day i'll vanish into thin air and that's when mourning starts, but you'll know its already too late for that as time doesn't wait for you or me. You said you were sorry, your words as soft, or maybe that was what I thought you would say, unintentionally, but sometimes it leaves a mark on others, not knowingly, as the last snow falling, on the first cherry blossoms, sad to say but you'll always be in my heart, tearing me part by part, though at times you sew it back, but one day, it'll still fall apart no matter how hard you try. I never blamed anyone, just myself for being too sensitive at times, I couldn't change that though I've tried, being all alone abroad isn't all fun and games, more of downs than ups so to speak, no one really cares.

2011-06-01T05:01:00.001-07:00

01062011

Rejected. As always.

2011-04-08T21:32:00.000-07:00

09042011 I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go Things go wrong so you appreciate them when they're right You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself And sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together

2011-04-08T03:30:00.000-07:00

08042011 I know its my wrong for not wanting to join the conversation, but you guys seem happy with or even without me, so what's the point if things are going to be the way it seems, just leave me alone. Its very obvious and I get the vibe that he doesn't want me around or seems to be ignoring me. I know it doesn't affect the rest of you but it pierced through my heart and the wound will never be healed, though I tried to make the effort. What did I do wrong to get such harsh treatment? And when everyone's around, I just can't seem to not think about the issue though the rest implied that he's just a jerk and that I should forget about things. Put yourself in my shoes and you'll feel it I promise. You're just not going through the things I'm going through and it hurts bad. At least my boyfriend's always there for me, through hardships and sorrows, though none other could understand me, he does, and I appreciate every single thing he does. Staring at the buildings at the opposite side of the road, I kept telling myself not to think about things and just talk normally but my heart implies otherwise. What have I done? What have I done? I can't take this anymore, and from now onwards, I'll just be alone, with myself and no other, though times may be tough, but do I get a choice? I'm just not comfortable being around you guys and when I see you guys laugh and talk, I began to be depressed, fuck my life seriously. You guys just don't see the point. By asking me what's wrong doesn't help at all, rather makes it worst, being ignorant of my going throughs, life's just hard. I wish I could start all over on a new piece of blank paper.

2011-04-06T05:41:00.000-07:00

06042011 I feel so left out, insignificant in life, in my friend's eyes, i'm never included in anything, never once happy with anything, I just don't feel good about everything generally. What's with my fucking life? Friends aren't friends when all they care about is themselves, themselves and themselves. What's with society and everyone around me? I hate being alone, being left behind and ultimately only being there when the rest wants to have fun, it sucks

2011-04-05T20:49:00.000-07:00

06042011 Being too dependent is torturing, cause you'll never know what would happen until time comes. My only hope of getting away with the things I was never interested in in life, guess the grass may not be greener on the other side. Never thought it would gonna end that way. People are people and sometimes they change their minds, leaving me restless, unsure of what to be without you around. Why aren't people treating me the way I treat others? Why are there so much pain and hurt within me that I may not even knew of its existence, feeling it little by little at times? Accumulating all sorrows, lingering through my mind, having thoughts of just killing myself for being too weak, always taken advantage on. I can't take this anymore, its hurt to know how ignorant some people are, how insensitive, how obnoxious people could get. And I know its never simple, never easy to deal with all these, I wish I could be home or simply just feel like home. Nevertheless, I'll still have to breathe, without you, I'll try to breathe. Thanks for listening

2011-04-04T05:03:00.000-07:00

04042011 I miss you guys so much that I wish I could go back to December and to all the good times we had together <3 Welovetillwedie

2010-07-23T19:59:00.001-07:00

i feel like crying..

2010-07-20T03:42:00.000-07:00

fever

having a fever now, felt exceptionally cold the entire day, though i usually feel cold at my seating position, today was really restless, my morning was a killer when i was pushed to drive the car, and my mom to my workplace, then submissions overwhelmed my desk, i could barely be seen from the next desk,...

kityeng's here to pick me up, continuing this later : D ciaozz
and happy fever to me

2010-07-14T08:32:00.000-07:00

Surprise : )

And you brought a germany bear back for me : D
knowing that I always sleep late and have insomnia sometimes,
missing you and rewinding memories of us and rereading messages,
holding it in my arms, as though you're cuddling me to sleep,
accompanying me every night and every middle of the nights when i just couldn't close my eyes,
waking up to it, little mini versions of you,
how i wish i could rescale them, or maybe just rescale me

2010-07-11T16:51:00.000-07:00

Sadness,

I'm so sad and depressed, all I want to do is rest, you told me to rest but I just couldn't seem to find my way through the night, dreams I just couldn't fight, perhaps i just need you beside even though it's just for a while, as brief as a candle in the wind, I think of you lying in that bed, and wonder if there is anything I could have said, I wish you were still here, how I wish you're just here, though I I know that you are still near, I love you more than you know, I just wish yesterday you didn't have to go, darling it seems like a thousand years, much more than a thousand stars, counting them one by one till we grow old, still, I guess we won't be able to stop counting these endless beings, I just want one more day with you, and I know thats what you would have wanted it too, I miss you more and more each day, in particular today, there is so much more we have to say, though we were surrounded by breezes of silence today, I knew you weren't in your best today, it hurts to know that you're cutting us away, I guess you didn't feel it as much as I do, I love you no matter what you're going through, in all that I'm going through, together we'll go through, I will see you again, darling, till then won't my life begin.

2010-07-11T16:40:00.000-07:00

I didn't want this,

There are times when I will upset you and cause you unwanted anger,
There are times of mood swings that would bring me down emotionally as well,
In life there will be struggles, arguments and challenges we will have to endure together,
There will be times where I'll pressure myself in finishing everything and letting it out on you,
There are going to be unwise decisions that I'll always make that might disappoint you,
There are actions I might act upon that will cause you to worry about me all the time,
There will be times where I rather stay up late, not going to bed like you told me to,
There will be moments where you will make me cry and bring me to tears,
There will also be moments where you'll weep for the same reasons,
There are harsh words you might say that will cause me hurt and bring me sadness,
but no matter what, I will always love you.

2010-07-11T02:48:00.000-07:00

Echoes

It reeks of this powerful element called emotion
It reaches your heartstrings and tugs
Hear the echoes?
You eyes will swell with tears
You may reach for the tissue when you hear the familar echoes of love amid rainbow hues chiming resonantly in your ears, beckoning you to take note,
“come take my hand, and together we'll stroll down memory lane..”
Shall we?
Could we ever freeze echoes of rainbows?
Or capture its colours of magical wonders in a jar before it disappears?
Would you hold my hand and lead me up the pathway of rainbows?
Up to nowhere near what the world possessed, of divinity of eternity of everlasting
Love transcends time, boundaries and creeds
Believing that there’s no greater journey than the one that leads you to love
Sometimes, if you can catch the breeze at the right time, you’ll have this surging feeling that love is all around us
Have you ever been assailed by such intense happiness inside, that you feel that you’re like a lark going to burst into song?
For crying out loud, everybody does
Good things are transient, are momentary, they never last
Treasure love when it’s around. Maybe for now, it is staring at you in the face
But it’s like a car, parked at your door, and when the time comes, it revs up and roars off
Weep not when love dies as people do fall out of love
Though time will heal almost everything, memories and scars cannot be erased.
Yet, I believe that good things could last, even if it is as little as one percent
Cherishing every day of our lives together, till the day we part
Dear Marcus, indeed none of your scars will make me love you less

2010-07-11T02:44:00.000-07:00

Where you?

I know it hasn't been long since I last saw you,
But to me it feels as long as five hundred years,
I miss you to the point I might be loosing all sanity,
There has to be an end to all this calamity,

I think of you every second and every breath,
For you I would stare even into the face of death,
To kiss your lips is to taste the sweetness of love,
And it brings forth feelings from the heavens above,

To look into your eyes is to gaze into the sky,
So beautiful with the stars and the heavens inside,
To see your smile is to see the divine, sweet love of mine.

2010-07-10T09:39:00.000-07:00

The beginning...

If love can be avoided by simply closing our eyes, then I wouldn't blink at all for I don't want to let a second pass having fallen out of love with you.

2010-07-10T09:28:00.000-07:00

Breathe...

Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie
It's the kind of ending you don't really want to see
Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't want to be without you around
<3

2010-07-10T08:13:00.000-07:00

Gravity...

When I walk I touch the sky. I feel ten feet tall. And I know why
It's everywhere. It's in your eyes. The secret that we can defy
You helped me grow. Now you gotta let me go. Cause I have learned to fly on my own
And it's gonna be. Pulling on my heart and soul. But I can't go back now that I know
Falling upwards. Catch me if you can. One step forwards. Here we go again
Gravity. Ooh, La dada dada da. Can't bring me down
Gravity. Ooh, La dada dada da. Can't bring me down
When I walk I touch the sky. Lucy Schwartz
Honestly, I never thought of gravity as something so subtle and feminine as this

2010-07-09T06:38:00.000-07:00

Dream

I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me. I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green. I had a dream That I could fly from the highest swing. I had a dream. Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be. The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep. I had a dream That I could fly from the highest tree. I had a dream. Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave. I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing. I had a dream

2010-07-09T00:30:00.000-07:00

Architecture

...is about people. If it had not been about people, it would not have been our profession. It is through our understanding of what people want that our designs evolve. We connect to people through our buildings. Designs must stir people's emotions. Give to others more than what we take for ourselves. And put back to the environment more than what we take from it. We resolve this to be our guiding philosophy for all that we design and create. Architecture has everything to do with people. Which is why our relationship to our client. Go far beyond the project itself. ZLG Design.

2010-07-05T03:17:00.000-07:00

Marie...

Be thankful for what you have. Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently and positively.
Live life with no excuse and love with no regrets.
When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile
Face your past without regret.
Handle your present with confidence.
Prepare for the future without fear.
Keep the faith and drop the fear.
Life has to be an incessant process of repair and reconstruction, of discarding evil and developing goodness. In the journey of life, if you want to travel without fear, you must have the ticket of a good conscience...

2010-07-04T08:51:00.000-07:00

Feng Shui

No hill in line. No tree in front.
No john above. No wet beneath.
No mirrored hall or bush too tall.
No stove with sleep or land too deep.
No street too high or wall you’ll die.
No number four, no squared off door
No poisoned corner corner corner corner
– where’s that fucking mirror.
No stop. Look. Go. No door face door.
No decisions without my secret compass.
No evil. No doubt. No end. No.
Fengshui. Somehow, the master forgets about smell, sound and touch.
Ask one and bewilderment will never have looked so complete;
it is all about seen and the no-that-can’t-be-done.
They forget about exceptions to the no because their books only speak of rules,
not when and how they can be broken.
Fengshui. The subversive art of sight, smell, taste, touch, sound and yes.

~Small Projects by Kevin Mark Low

This abstract inspired me a lot after I read the entire book of Small Projects by the Legendary Kevin Mark Low who designed, to me, the most pleasant, experiential and sustainable building in Malaysia, non other than PJ Trade Centre at Damansara Perdana, so to speak. And yes, practicality and feasibility are essential elements that we should learn as we blossom in the world of architecture, not of buildings, but of people and our senses. After working at ZLG Design for a period of two weeks, I started to change my mindset of thinking, to create buildings that value experiences, not merely form making, massing and aesthetics at this point. Yes, all architecture has to have a certain degree of aesthetics but what is aesthetics without quality? Both elements intertwines and twines and twines and we'll whine when we're out of ideas and all.

Phenomenology. The sixth sense. Practicality. Theoretical thinking. Critical learning. Firdaus Khazis. Melbourne University.

So be it, architecture! I'll be back in August!

2010-07-01T03:26:00.000-07:00

Nonstraightforward Architecture:
A Gentle Manifesto

I like complexity and contradiction in architecture. I do not like the coherence or arbitrariness of incompetant architecture nor the precious intricacies of picturesqueness or expressionism. Instead, I speak of a complex and contradictory architecture based on the richness and ambiguity of modern experience, including that experience which is inherent in art. Everywhere, except in architecture, complexity and contradiction have been acknowledged, from Godel's prrof of ultimate inconsistency in mathematics to T.S. Eliot's analysis of 'difficult' poetry and Joseph Albers' definition of the paradoxial quality of painting.

But architecture is necessarily complex and contradictory in its very inclusion of the traditional Vitruvian elements of commodity, firmness, and delight. And today, the wants of programme, structure, mechanical equipment and expression, even in single buildings in single contexts, are diverse and conflicting in ways previously unimaginable. The increasing dimension and scale of architecture in urban and regional planning add to the difficulties. I welcome the problems and exploit the uncertainties. By embracing contradiction as well as complexity, I aim for vitality as well as validity...

Architects can no longer afford to be intimidated by the puritanically moral
language of orthodox Modern architecture. I like elements which are hybrid rather than "pure," compromising rather than "clean," distorted rather than "straightforward,”ambiguous rather than "articulated," perverse as well as impersonal, boring as well as "interesting," conventional rather than "designed," accommodating rather than excluding, redundant rather than simple, vestigial as well as innovating, inconsistent and equivocal rather than direct and clear. I am for messy vitality over obvious unity.

I include the non sequitur and proclaim the duality. I am for richness of meaning rather than clarity of meaning; for the implicit function as well as the explicit function. I prefer "both-and" to "either-or," black and white, and sometimes gray, to black or white. A valid architecture evokes many levels of meaning and combinations of focus: its space and its elements become readable and Workable in several ways at once.

But an architecture of complexity and contradiction has a special obligation
toward the whole: its truth must be in its totality or its implications of totality. It must embody the difficult unity of inclusion rather than the easy unity of exclusion. More is not less.

~Robert Venturi

2010-07-01T03:02:00.000-07:00

Perception in Architecture: An Analysis of the Idea of 'Home' in Modern Houses
Architecture Design Theory 2008
By Marie Jacqueline Tan G-Ming 0801P65546

INTRODUCTION

Architecture is a perception that transforms and needs to be modernized without losing its primary function and fundamental property. In contrast, modern architecture is no longer about purpose or sense of life. (Pallasmaa, 1998, p.125) In time, it is becoming meaningless a people see, people create and that is what architecture is translated into. Building soon will lose their sensory invitation, mystery and secrecy which were once the essence of an ideal place of dwelling. Turning into a retinal art, architecture has thus rejected the perception of a “home”. (Holl, Pallasmaa, Perez-Gomez, 2005, p.29)

The concept of “home” is more towards personalization of an individual which falls outside the modern concept of architecture. Architects build dwellings that, perhaps, satisfy most of our personal needs, but which do not house our mind. When comparing designs of modernity to those of today’s buildings, we will instantaneously notice a loss of empathy for the dweller. (Pallasmaa, 1998, p.113) To a certain point, dwellings must provide space for the experience of the sacred. According to Holl, “Sensations of experience become a kind of reasoning distinct to the making of architecture. Whether reflecting on the unity of concept and sensation, or the intertwining of idea and phenomena, the hope is to unite intellect and feeling precision with soul.” (cited in Dietmar, 2002)

In relation, phenomenology of architecture is looking at architecture from within the consciousness experiencing it, through architectural feelings and emotions. Phenomenology seeks the inner language of a building. If a building does not fulfil the basic conditions formulated for it, phenomenologically, it is unable to influence the emotional feelings that link our souls to the images the building creates. Accordingly, Holl and Pallasmaa are key protagonists who write about phenomenology in architecture. On the same line, similar explorations were the key to Tadao Ando’s works.

So, how do Ando’s houses connect and relate to the phenomenology of architecture? Is Ando’s concept of “space” in line with Holl and Pallasmaa’s ideas on phenomenology?

In this research essay, I will discuss the perceptions on modern architecture through theories proposed by Pallasmaa and Holl respectively, and how it threatens the concept of “home”. I will then further analyze the idea of “home” using examples of Holl’s houses based on Holl and Pallasmaa’s theory of phenomenology. With this, I will discuss Ando’s concept of space by comparing two of Ando’s houses; the Koshino House and the Azuma House that best exemplifies the notion of phenomenology in architecture.

PHENOMENOLOGICAL ANALYSIS

Perceptions on modern architecture and how it threatens the concept of “home”

To start off with, Pallasmaa speaks of architecture as an experiential art that integrates with the five senses, not solely on sight alone. In today’s world, sight has dominated the way we “see” the world. People usually perceive based on first impressions which usually arise from external perceptions. As architects, we design what is most pleasing to the eye; what looks good on pictures and often we communicate ideas through the visual medium. (Holl, Pallasmaa, Perez-Gomez, 2005, p.29) However, most architects tend to neglect or otherwise fail to see the importance of integrating the other senses in evoking a multi-sensory experience in space. (Pallasmaa, 2005, p.62) It is merely a representation of treacherous and blind hostility towards the senses. (Niezsche, 1968, p.253)

Consequently, Steven Holl addresses that our reactions to the visual, tactile, aural and kinaesthetic s sense to a building and its environment very much conditions our behaviour and the way we function in a space. For a building to illustrate an experiential value that surpasses its functional value, a building would need to provide sensory experiences through overlapping elements of architecture to create engagements that in turn form emotional reactions to space. (Holl, Pallasmaa, Perez-Gomez, 2005, p.41) Here, we may be able to have a clearer sense of what is meant for Steven Holl, by that little very “to see.” (Futagawa, 1993a, p.80) Vision is not a certain mode of thought but rather, it is the means given to us for being absent from ourselves. When we observe a building, are we aware of our unique existence in space?

Similarly, Pallasmaa and Holl expresses that architecture is an experiential journey that can never be experienced as a whole. A building needs to be sliced apart from its totality in order for the partial perceptions to be explored. Broken up into fragments of experience such as light and shadow, materiality, enmeshed experience, time and duration, an individual must utilize all the five senses in order to capture the essence of distinct phenomena. (Holl, Pallasmaa, Perez-Gomez, 2005, p.42)

An analysis of the idea of “home”

The feeling of being “at home” cannot be bought because it comes from an intimate relationship between us and our most personal space. (Pallasmaa, 1998, p.60) Our house and home enables us to develop a sense of who we are. It is like a point of departure from which we orient ourselves, shaping us just as we shape it. Fundamentally, a “home” acts as a barrier that distances us from the public, leaving us all alone. Through reflective analysis and solitude, only are we able to access our inner life and being. In addition, buildings do speak through the silence of perceptual phenomena which draws focus onto one’s existence.
This can be seen in one of Steven Holl’s architecture, the New Residence at the Swiss Embassy, Washington D.C., United States. Responding directly to the needs of an ambassador in modern times; in contrast to the existing house, this new one provides privacy for the ambassador and his family, as well as flexible space for today’s diplomatic social life. Besides, with a mixture of strong gestures with the almost secretive air, this new residence announces itself as belonging architecturally to the 21st century.

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Figure 1: New Residence at the Swiss Embassy, Washington D.C., United States. http://plastolux.com/the-new-residence-at-the-swiss-embassy-steven-holl-architects.html

“We have just as great a need to keep secrets as we have to reveal, know and understand them,” mentioned Pallasmaa. (1998, p.121). One of the reasons why contemporary houses are so alienating is that they do not contain secrets anymore. Their structure and contents are conceived at a glimpse. It is simply just transparent and contains very few meanings to its existence. “Home” is particularly strongly felt when we look out from its enclosed privacy yet feeling secure in the inside. It is widely observed that contemporary architecture utilizes a lot of glass walls to eliminate the traditional concrete walls, to break the boundaries between the public and the private.

In the Planar House, Holl placed perforated sheets of steel in front of the main entrance to illustrate transparency. By doing this, he succeeded in creating integration with the exterior, but at the same time, maintaining a level of privacy. When light shines through the patterned steel sheets, the patterns reflect down onto the floor, transforming at different times of the day.

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Figure 2: Planar House. http://www.stevenholl.com/
Figure 3: Light and shadow, time and duration (Holl, 1991, p.62)

This concept of experimenting architecture with spatial and light sequence, textures, smells and sounds is also represented in Holl’s Stretto House. (Holl, Pallasmaa, Perez-Gomez, 2005, p.65) The “stretto” form enables Holl to divide the space in a way that each space is imperative to the other. The flow of space evolve as the floor surface overlaps the next level, the roof overlaps the walls and the curvilinear walls draw in light into the interior spaces. Not only do the forms that compose the house work like the instruments, but the landscape also acts as one of the voices in the “stretto”. When the landscape flows into the house, light flows in too, indicating a flooded room which serves as the phenomenological center of the house. For Holl, the concept is the very meaning of the house. (Holl, 2003, p.37)

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Figure 4: Stretto House. http://www.stevenholl.com/

Ezra Pound argued that “music decays when it goes too far from dance and poetry withers when it distances itself too far from song”. (Holl, 2003, p.50) In the same way, architecture has its own origins, and if it moves too far away from them, it will lose its effectiveness. Thus, an intimate relationship with one’s “home” needs to be continually reasserted.

Tadao Ando’s concept of space

One of the questions frequently raised is of how Ando’s houses exemplify the theory of phenomenology. With this, I am going to analyze the theory of phenomenology by Holl and Pallasmaa and incorporate the theories into Ando’s two houses; the Koshino House and the Azuma House respectively.

The Koshino House is located underground, emanating a feeling of secrecy and distancing from public spaces. However, light that enters through narrow slits in walls and ceilings, and in addition to some large windows in the living room facing the outdoor court creates the feeling of openness to nature. Windows are situated to offer only a limited view to the garden, but admit generous amounts of light, which flood over the large concrete surfaces, bringing them to life with passing clouds through time. Therefore, one would not feel that they are enclosed by solid, heavy concrete walls surrounding them.

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Figure 5: Aerial photo. http://www.public.iastate.edu/~zbrown/Arch%20344.html
Figure 6: Side View. www.geocities.com/arquique/ando/andokh.html

Approaching from above, visitors first enter the double-height block which contains the living room before approaching the longer, single-level space containing a row of smaller rooms.

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Figure 7: The two rectangular blocks separated by a flight of stairs, with the living room visible within. www.geocities.com/arquique/ando/andokh.html
Figure 8: The living room visible within. (Ando, 1997, p.67)
Figure 9: The bedroom wing. (Ando, 1997, p.66)

The essence of “enmeshed experience” (Holl, 2005, p.29) can be first appreciated when visitors descend a flight of stairs before entering the house. Slits of openings tend to camouflage the interior yet exposing it a little, evoking a sense of curiosity. Furthermore, light creates direction in relation to the user’s path. (Ando, 1997, p.7) The corridor leading inside brings visitors to a space lit by a series of slit windows, progressively increasing in height. It suggests spatial depth as one approach deeper into the space. When light shines, colour as a sensory experience is intensified; materials of the walls are highlighted and areas nearer to the light source are emphasized. (Holl, Pallasmaa, Perez-Gomez, 2005, p.91)

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Figure 10: Exterior stairway leading to the entrance. www.geocities.com/arquique/ando/andokh.html
Figure 11: Interior corridor leading to a room. (Ando, 1997, p.68)

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Figure 12: The action of light and shadow, creating monotonous tones of colour. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4o_1vPXZSM

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Figure 13: Atelier interior
Figure 14: Natural light from above the living room. www.geocities.com/arquique/ando/andokh.html

The combination of light, shadow, material, colour and the way one responds to each of it further heightens one’s experience through a space. The dematerialization of form which goes through a perceivable passage of time, through the impact of light is strikingly demonstrated in the living room of the Koshino House. Through the action of sunlight, concrete is transformed into an illusory surface. The slits tend to break the bond of the four walls that encloses the space. In view of that, the most expressive interior space is the double-height living room which features a cantilevered dining table beyond the recessed space. (Ando, 199, p.64)

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Figure 15: The main entrance.
Figure 16: The dining area.
Figure 17: The double-height living room. Claire, N. (2007) http://naomiclaire.wordpress.com/2008/02/10/koshino-house-3d-model/

All of this is implied in the layered plan of the Koshino House, which is inscribed into the surrounding topography in such a way as to expose the principle rooms to the full trajectory of the sun. (Ando, 1997, p.66) However, sunlight enters more precipitously into this house from above, through a narrow precut into the roof at its junction with the wall, casting circular patterns on the floor. From this aperture, a single interrupted shaft of light descends to run its ever-changing luminosity across the adjacent concrete wall that runs the full length in the living room.

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Figure 18: Sun orientation in the Koshino House. http://www.youtube.com.watch?v=OMDAWaJpgsA
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Figure 19: Fragments of light created by window panes.
Figure 20: Another light source from slits on the top.
Figure 21: A single shaft of light. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p4o_1vPXZSM&NR=1

In this instance, the pattern of changing light becomes increasingly organic in shape as it falls onto the continuously curved walls. This is clearly shown in this excerpt:

“…light drawn into its forms dim shadows within emptiness…We are overcome with the feeling that in this small corner of the atmosphere there reigns complete and utter silence; that here in the darkness immutable tranquility holds sway…” (Ando, 1995, p.307)

“Light is a mediator between space and form. Light changes expressions with time. I believe that the architecture materials do not end with wood or concrete that have tangible forms, but go beyond to include light and wind which appeal to our senses”. (cited in Ando, 1995, p. 306) Moreover, not only light and wind but also rain, snow and fog are to be directly experienced as one transverse, for example, the open courtyard of the Azuma Residence, Sumiyoshi, in order to pass from one room to the next.

The Azuma House is a concrete rectangular residence, aligned with other houses in the street. (Ando, 1997, p.51) This ruthlessly minimal, solid blank facade completely shuts off from the streets, focusing completely on the inside; on its own perfection. (Ando, 1997, p.50) However, Ando succeeded in creating a space so thoughtful and reflective even though he had to work against the urban chaos of the city. Having thought hard about the meaning of life and dwelling, Ando came to a close that coexistence with nature was fundamental to human life. With this, Ando marked a contrast between his concrete house and its environment. (Ando, 1995, p.11)

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Figure 22: Azuma House aligned with other houses in the street. (Ando, 1997, p.51)
Figure 23: Simple form of geometry. www.arcspace.com/.../minimalist book.html

Inserted into a row of narrow houses, the simple façade stands out without breaking the rhythm of the street. Stepping through the door, one no longer needs to be conscious of the external world. (Ando, 1997, p.7) It seems to contradict because at the same time, the plain bare walls seem to reject entrance.

In the Azuma House, Ando divided the space in half, incorporating a courtyard in the centre, which is a long narrow passageway. Dealing with space constrains, Ando opened up the courtyard: enabling the dweller to look up to the sky and feel the wind blowing, stirring up emotions and purifying the spirit. It allows residents to experience nature without the distractions of the city. Besides, the absence and presence of the sunlight creates contrasting ambiances as it affects the colour and lighting of the open courtyard. The artificial lighting can be seen mirroring itself on the floor, which evokes a sense of nostalgia, serenity, tranquility and peace.

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Figure 24: The different effects of lighting at the courtyard.
http://ireland.archiseek.com/tesserae/000023/6.jpg
Figure 25: The central courtyard, with its overhead bridge linking the two living areas is open to the sky. (Ando, 1997, p.53)

With this, Ando incorporated the idea of sensory intimacy with surroundings; as a representation of nature which was seen as a form of resistance mediating between universal modernization and traditional Japanese cultures. (Archiseek.com, 2007). No matter how advanced society becomes, a house in which nature can be sensed would ideally represent the perfect environment to live in. Hence, there are no barriers between man and his environment, both on the inside and outside, because everything exists at the same time and is interconnected.

The bedrooms were upstairs in separate halves, with the stairway leading to them going through the courtyard. (Ando, 1997, p.7) This means that the residents must carry umbrellas to move around their home on rainy days. The central section which is completely roofless had evoked the controversy of convenience to the inhabitants but Ando had explained why he considered the interior courtyard a burden worth bearing. From a functional viewpoint, the courtyard of the Azuma House forces the inhabitants to endure the occasional hardships. (Ando, 1997, p.8) At the same time, the open courtyard is capable of becoming the most essential part of the house, introducing the everyday life and assimilating precious stimuli such as changes in nature.

This very much supports Steven Holl’s theory of phenomenology which often speaks of bringing the spirit of nature in to create an engaging experiential feeling. With spaces bordering an interior courtyard, Ando attempted to return the contact with light, air, rain and other natural elements to the Japanese lifestyle. This can be seen as the action of rain calls attention to the floor material details. (Futagawa, 1993b, p.13)
Figure 26: The steps and bridge in the central courtyard after rain. (Ando, 1997, p.54)

Not only that, this small space acts as a spatial entity that attempts to balance the reduced physical space of the house. Furthermore, the courtyard doubles its function; one as a pathway and the other as light source for all rooms. Azuma house is a windowless building that only receives light through its courtyard. “In its simple but rich spatial composition, in its expression of enclosure, and in the way light gives character to daily-life spaces, this house encapsulates an image of my architecture.” (Ando, 1984, p.26)

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Figure 27: Plan view of the interior.
http://www.architectureweek.com/2005/0608/news_1-2.html

Moreover, the feeling of “enmeshed experience” (Holl, Pallasmaa, Perez- Gomez, 2005, p.29) is apparent in the Azuma House. Light creates positive and negative spaces and these acts to direct user to follow a certain pathway. Reflections can be seen on the interior walls, persuading the user to enter in.

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Figure 28: Section of the Azuma House. http://www.sketchupmodels.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=0000259_ronen&Category_Code=a&Product_Count=1
Figure 29: The full-length glass opening creates a sense of transparency to the surrounding. http://kwc.org/blog/archieves/2005/2005-03-17.talk_tadao_ando.html
Figure 30: Light and shadow shown in the section of the house. www.hedgehog.be/boris/portals/tadao_ando.html

In addition, today’s residential spaces may be quite comfortable and functional, but a house infused with nature is more suitable for man and is more true to the basic character of the house. (Jodidio, 2007, p.449) So, by bringing in nature and light into the simple geometric form of houses, closed off from their urban context, Ando created complex spaces. As Ando stated, “I inject the extraordinary into what is the most ordinary and familiar of environments – the house - and thereby encourage people to reconsider what is ordinary.” (cited in Jodidio, 2007, p.451)

The courtyard is an important place where seasonal changes can be directly experienced and perceived by the dwellers through the senses. Also, the expression of nature changes constantly as sunlight, wind and rain brings variety to life. The courtyard is the nucleus of life that unfolds within the house and is a device to introduce experiential phenomena that are being forgotten in the urban world. (Jodidio, 2007, p.451) In this way, architecture has become the medium where man comes in contact with nature.

This made known many aspects of his mature style, including the use of simple plain concrete, and his conscious effort to admit light and wind into the defining walls of his buildings. (Ando, 1997, p. 172) At different times of the day, light shines, dramatizes and highlights different spaces especially to heighten experiential feelings.

Figure 31: The manipulation of light in spaces at different times of the day.
http:/kwc.org/blog/archives/2005/2005-03-17.talk_tadao_ando.html

Ando himself consider the Azuma House to be the point of origin for his subsequent work, as he approaches the concept of connecting the art of building to the art of living. With this Ando succeeded in relating the fixed form to the kind life that will be lived in. In the case of Azuma House, the life to be lived was that of busy urban dweller whose opportunities to experience nature were few.

CONCLUSION

The artistic dimension of a work of art does not lie in the actual physical form of the building. In fact, it exists only in the consciousness of the person experiencing it. Its meaning lies not in its form, but in the images transmitted by the forms and the emotional force that they carry. Thus, phenomenological analysis makes it possible to approach the unsaid, and the implicit helps us to relate our experience of a given place in the form of a narrative or of sensory observation.

Therefore, it is clear that Ando’s concept of “space” in architecture does not only support Holl and Pallasmaa’s theory of phenomenology but also further enhances the concept of phenomenology. Ando is an architect who stresses on the importance of individual journey through a space, complete with sensory experiences as one slowly derives meanings to their own existence, bringing out the very meaning of “space” itself. He also speaks on the importance of bringing in the essence of nature as a concept to “space” especially to contemporary houses which apparently depicts a lack of sensory invitation as modernization takes place.

However, since the circumstances of the environment which we live in are meaningless and that we can only vaguely understand our existence, we hope to infuse architecture with a sense of belonging by coming into contact with the deepest aspects of human nature. (Jodidio, 2007, p.444) A “home”, thus, is a secure and peaceful place where individuals and families escape the pressures of the modern world and also express their individuality in private reflections. (Pallasmaa, 1988, p.61, 119).

REFERENCE

Published Texts

Dietmar M.S. (2002). Steven Holl, Idea and Phenomena. Switzerland: Lars Muller Publishers.
Futagawa Y. (1993a). GA Architect 11, Steven Holl. Japan: A.D.A. EDITA Tokyo Co., Ltd.
Futagawa, Y. (1993b). GA Architect 12, Tadao Ando. Japan: A.D.A EDITA Tokyo Co., Ltd.
Holl, S. (1998). Intertwining. New York: Princeton Architectural Press., p. 11, 15.
Holl, S. (2003). Steven Holl 1986-2003. Madrid: El Croquis.
Holl, S., Pallasmaa, J. & Perez-Gomez, A. (2005). Questions of Perception : Phenomenology of Architecture. San Francisco : William Stout Publishers., p. 28-42.
Jodidio, P. (1997). Tadao Ando. Italy: Benedikt Taschen Verlag GmbH.
Jodidio, P. (2007). Tadao Ando: Complete Works. New York: Benedikt Taschen Verlag GmbH.
Nietzsche, F. (1968). The Will to Power, Book II, trans Walter Kaufmann. Random House (New York), note 461, p. 253.
Pallasmaa, J. (1998). Encounters. Helsinki, Finland: Rakennustieto Oy., p. 112-126.
Pallasmaa, J. (2005). The Eyes of the Skin. Great Britain: TJ International Ltd.

Websites

Ando, T. Architect Tadao Ando’s Exhibition: “Row House in Sumiyoshi” will be shown in a full-scale model. Retrieved Ocover 23, 2008, from http://www.toto.co.jp/ gallerma/ex081003/index_e.htm

Archiseek.com. (2007) Tadao Ando: Creating Dreams, Dublin. Retrieved October 23, 2008, from http://ireland.archiseek.com/tesserae/000023.html

Barbey, G. Towards a Phenomenology of the Home. Retrieved September 10, 2008, from http://lasur.epfl.ch/revue/A&C%20Vol%205%20No.2/BARBEY_Introduction_en.pdf

Stan, F. (2007) Thought-Provoking Interview. Retrieved Novermber 6, 2008, from
http://www.homerejuvenation.com.sg/2007_07_01_archive.html

2010-06-28T08:20:00.000-07:00

June 28

Woke up in the morning feeling like a princess,
Knowing that you're thinking of me every second of the day,
I dont know why but today gave me such a sugary feeling, maybe a little syrupy as well
Maybe there's something special happening later today? Or something I knew all along?
My alarm clock literally died of ringing, how I wish you were here to wake me up
Every single day of my later years, giving me a kiss on the cheek the moment I open my eyes,
I got up after my dad yelled at me from way down there, brushed my teeth and got myself ready for the day, packed everything, thus my jacket as well as,
Without them I'll practically freeze that my eyeballs would literally pop out of its socket
Could you imagine how cold it is in the office?
And directly placed below the air-conditioner, not like I do have a choice anyway,
Clock's ticking fast, it's already eleven in the morning,
That's two hours after I sat put on my working chair, drawing like a fanatic
Those long hours, were the times that I miss you the most, waiting for you to come and carry me home, waiting for you to take my hand and run away from all the works I've been tied down upon, all the responsibilities I am subjected onto, just like in fairytales,
I want to run to islands after islands, beaches, somewhere serene, quiet, just the two of us and what's left of nature, just to lie down on the sands of the desert, or wandering aimlessly along the streets, or cuddling with you on the roof of our car, staring at the stars, believing that they might be shooting stars, praying together, for one another, I could use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now, can we pretend that airplanes in the night skies are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now, wishing that you'll be here hugging me from the back while I'm typing here, then talk all night before you tuck me in bed when its time for rest,
Sayang, I miss you so much, thinking back at one pm just now when you came all the way to my work place just to have lunch with me, spending that half hour with me,
Dear, you're the best thing that had ever happened to me,
In thought that you went to three kai fan shop just to buy me steam chicken as the first two ran out of it, dear, I don't need anything, I eat anything, just so you know, it's you that I love,
whatever that you bring, whatever little things that you did for me, will always be the sweetest things in my life, we sat in the car opposite my office block and ate our kai fans happily,
and ish, you're peeking at me again dear, you know I'll blush, a lot, I'll try not to look away the next time okay, though I feel exceptionally shy when you didn't want to take your eyes off me everytime you look into my eyes, though I look away almost everytime,
My heart melted when I saw you this afternoon,
My boyfriend came all the way to bring me lunch, when he has a class to rush to at two pm, which was right after my lunch break, told you so many times that you'll be tired of travelling here and there but on the other side of my mind, I wish you'd come everyday,
but that's just too selfish of me, I know that darling, wishing everyday would pass faster so that semester 6 will start soon, and that I would be able to drive again, and meet you after college days, oh, I miss those days,
If we could hug through the phone, I'll do that every single day
If we could kiss through the screens, I'll not switch off my computer
If we could meet in our dreams, I'll sleep forever
If we could stay forever, I'll make you the happiest man in the world
As I know you've already made me your princess at heart

2010-06-26T11:52:00.000-07:00

Falling for you, my best friend,

How can I fall for you, I just never seen you in that way before,
But when you're around I feel like a little kid again, I can be anything
When I am around you, I want to be around you, constantly, though i may be a little manja at times, and you as well, don't deny that sayang
I belive in you, you know I do, how come I've never seen how much you mean to me,
Everytime I lie on my bed, I'll smile at the moments when I first noticed you,
Though it was a long time after we knew each other, God just love lighting sparks around, not just to strangers but also to two best friends, us
Constantly thinking of how did I fall for you
Something I thought I never would do,
I need you to know that I love you more then my friends,
I keep falling in love with you, every second, every moment of day,
How and when did I not even see it, till I felt it, but I already trust you
With everything and anything I have, something not many people have,
Never knew how much I needed you till we drifted apart,
Though its just from Cheras to Ampang, of twenty minutes distance
Never thought these feelings would start, feel like my world's gonna fall apart without you, how could I fall for my best friend,
The one who's gonna be there till the end, tell me the words to say,
the actions to take, promise me this love is not fake, if it's temporary,
Please don't say it's temporary, if it falls through, I'll be there for you,
Or if it's forever I'll stand by you.

2010-06-26T11:23:00.000-07:00

If I had a wish...

A bell is no bell till you ring it
A song is no song till you sing it
And love in our hearts, wasn't meant to stay
The moment when I look into your blue eyes
What's the matter sayang
And oh, I love the way you call me sayang, haha
All I see is your thoughts moving inside your head
Often I'll ask you if you're okay
Though I know deep inside that you're thinking of something, concealing everything to yourself
Dear, you could share them with me
All I could do is just looking at you and smiling
All I want from you is to tell me everything, even little bits of detail
And tell me you feel the same rage of love like I do
I don't know what I would do if I never met such a sweet guy like you
Though we actually knew each other five years ago
How I wish I could bottle up all the sweet little kisses of yours
How I wish I could freeze all the hugs that we wish it'll never end
How I wish I could cuddle with you all night long till I fall asleep on your chest
I never felt so close to anyone like the way I am with you
Just so you know, I will always be here no matter what we go through
No matter what february brings, darling, I'll still love you
You're always on my mind, I can't seem to get you out
I love you a lot, more that you'll ever thought, I really miss you right
We were best friends, now we're even more
Yet, you're still my best friend, that I love so much
We are so close, that our hearts have touched.

2010-06-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

Let our love be like the misty rains, coming softly, but flooding the river

2010-06-26T11:04:00.000-07:00

Let's walk a mile and not talk

I want to hold your hand and walk a mile..
Don't want to miss you, even a while..
Cause missing you kills me..
Not being able to see you kills me twice..
Hug me for my worries to die..
My tears to dry and my loneliness to fly..
I know how much you longed to fly..
But dear, please, you might die..
It hurts me to know..
how I sometimes can be a little selfish when it comes to you..
I am getting sentimental over you..
For good sake explain me why all these..darling i love you..

I miss you every moment of the day..
I keep myself awake just to listen to you..
I keep myself empty just for you to fill..
I keep myself alive just to see you..
As my mornings miss you..
And my evenings seek you..
Even seconds are too long to miss you..
I want to hold your hand and walk a mile..
Like we did at urbanscapes today..
Don't want to miss a single thing with you, even if it's just for a while..

2010-06-24T08:18:00.000-07:00

It never ends...

I want to hold your hand across the table at a restaurant
I want others in the restaurant to be jealous of our intimacy and tender affection for one another
I want to lie next to you in front of a fire and gaze into your eyes while I rub your back
I want to rub your leg and stare acorss the couch as we talk of our feelings for one another
I want you to know how handsome you are in my eyes
I want you to know how much I cherish and adore you
I want you to know that I appreciate every day you've dedicated for me, just for me
I want to listen to your voice all night long and not hang up on the phone though it's just hearing you breathe, so
I gave you my heart

2010-06-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

That's the way, aha aha!

Lyrics that won us third place at Archustic! HAHAH!
I love you guys alot x) Go Group 19!
That's the way aha aha, we like it, aha aha!
That's the way aha aha, we like it, aha ahaaa! yay!
Enjoy~

Verse
Well, you bagi-bagi i buat alat muuuzik,
I cuba buat tapi rasa macam tak jadi...
Tak tau nak buat macam mana,
But we try our very be-est!

Before the cool down run out I'll be giving it my bestest,
And nothing's gonna stop me but modern technology,
I reckon it's again my turn,
To win some or learn some..

Chorus
But I won't hesitate no more,
No more, it cannot wait, I'm Yours,
There's no need to complicate our time is short,
It is our aim, I'm Yours..

Chorus (cross with bridge)

Bridge 1
Now open up your facebook and see my page,
Pergi kedai mamak dan online,
Ada wifi tapi tak ada plug plug plug plug,
Takde bateri macam mana i nak buat kerja,
Kerja tak siap takleh pergi crit,
Nanti i kantoi macam mana na na na naaaaaaaaaaa...!! (jeng jeng jeng
jeng)

Chorus
So, I won't hesitate no more,
No more, it cannot wait, I'm Yours,
There's no need to complicate our time is short,
It is our aim, I'm Yours..

Bridge 2 (cross with chorus)
(Alicia Keys, (No One)'s melody)

Tech-no-lo-gy memudahkan kita-ahh,
Can't get in the way of what i feel for you,
Tech-no-lo-gy memberikan faedah,
Just like Cad, sketch up and 3d
(x2)

Chorus
So, I won't hesitate no more,
No more, it cannot wait, I'm Yours,
There's no need to complicate our time is short,
It is our aim, I'm Yours..

Bridge 3 (all together)
(melody same as bridge 1)

Teknologi di masa kini,
Modular banyak digunakan,
Semuanya sudah diperting- kat kat kat kan...
Banyaknya bangunan tinggi-tinggi-tinggi belaka,
Struktur yang kukuh dan yang utuh
Semuanya sungguh menakjub- kan kan kan kan kannnnnnnn...!! (weee...!)

Chorus (acapella)
So, I won't hesitate no more,
No more, it cannot wait, I'm Yours,
There's no need to complicate our time is short,
It is our aim, I'm Yours....

Thank You =)

CHEERRRRRRRRS!!!!

Group 19!!

Group AHA ! HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
That's the way aha aha, we like it, aha aha!

2010-06-23T09:15:00.000-07:00

When you...

...told me you're going to be away; when you told me it's going to be for a few days; when you told me you've got to work this weekend; when you told me you'll miss me; when you told me you didn't want to go; i didn't want you to go. I hate to let you go. But being in your superior's shoes, I understand how it feels like to be short of hands in times of need. Yet, deep inside I hope that you'll never go. That you'll never leave me alone. Though you had to go, please don't go? I'll miss you. Will you miss me as much as I'll miss you? Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you already. Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems to diminish. I just want to be with you and hold you, keeping your hands warm everyday. I want to gently touch your face and cup your cheek in my hand as I gaze into your beautiful little eyes. I want to snuggle and cuddle with you, to just be close to you, like the blue birds flying by, dozing off at your shoulders to the softly sighs of the rainbows. Come to think of it, we haven't seen rainbows together before, or did we? All I know was that you painted my rainbows two months back and since then, everything bitter magically turned sweet, shortly again as we'll meet, make our absence sweet. Though I'll still be missing you now and then. Just like if I'd drop a tear in the ocean, the day you find it will be the day I'll stop missing you. Missing someone gets easier everyday I guess because eventhough it is one day further from the last time you saw each other, it is one day closer to the next time you will. Ps: I love you.

2010-06-03T09:22:00.000-07:00

Paul Anka
Times of Your Life

Good morning, yesterday
You wake up and time has slipped away
And suddenly it’s hard to find
The memories you left behind
Remember, do you remember?
The laughter and the tears
The shadows of misty yesteryears
The good times and the bad you’ve seen
And all the others in between
Remember, do you remember
The times of your life?
Reach out for the joy and the sorrow
Put them away in your mind
The memories are time that you borrow
To spend when you get to tomorrow
Here comes the setting sun
The seasons are passing one by one
So gather moments while you may
Collect the dreams you dream today
Remember, will you remember
The times of your life?

2010-06-03T09:19:00.000-07:00

How it all began...

2010-06-03T09:07:00.000-07:00

Thinking of you...

I was thinking of you, though its just a short while ago
I missed your sweet kiss, and I loved your precious smile
I was just thinking of you and your beautiful eyes
Just looking into mine, They’ll tell no lies
I was thinking at times when you caught me looking
When I quickly turned my head to blush
I was thinking of how you carried me behind your back
Thinking of you holding on to me
The way I felt, the way it could be
I was thinking of you when I felt my heart ache
Knowing I had your love, a love that will never break
I was thinking of you to tell you I’d try
To give you pure love, till the day that I die
I was thinking of you letting me care
Just to let you know, I’ll always be there

2010-05-16T02:05:00.000-07:00

I guess..

I'll just have to record down every single moment
Every little moment that meant so much to me
Sweet fairy tale memories, I can't believe this is happening to me
Finally coming true after nineteenth and a half years
Everything felt like a dream. So vivid so real, freaking awesome!
Nolah, it's not a dream. I tried pinching myself a few times and yeah, the moments real
Couldn't ever expected any more than this. Life seemed perfect
The emptiness in my heart filled and sowed tight and secure
Life just started, at 5.00pm 30042010. My clock finally started ticking
And time ain't running out, as far as I hope

2010-05-16T02:03:00.000-07:00

I wanna be free
~Monkees

I wanna be free,
Like the bluebirds flying by me
Like the waves out on the blue sea.
If your love has to tie me, don't try me,
Say good-bye.

I wanna be free,
Don't say you love me say you like me,
But when I need you beside me,
Stay close enough to guide me, confide in me,
Oh-oh-oh

I wanna hold yur hand,
Walk along the sadn
Laughing in the sun,
Always having fun
Doing all those things
Without any strings
To tie me down.

I wanna be free,
Like the warm September wind, babe,
Say you'll always be my friend, babe.
We can make it to the end, babe,
Again, babe, I gotta say:
I wanna be free
I wanna be free
I wanna be free

2010-05-16T01:56:00.000-07:00

Echoes of Rainbow

This movie revolves on a heart-warming story of a shoemaker's family back in 1960's Hong Kong. The shoemaker Mr Law (Simon Yam) has 2 sons; the 16-year old Desmond (Aarif Lee) who is a model student in a famous English school from which his parents are always proud of. In contrast, his 7 year-old younger Eig Ears (Buzz Ching) is playful and naughty and a cute cry baby. Mr Law works hard not only to pay the school fees of his sons but also to feed the corrupted society.

"Believe" is the spirit that has always been incalcated to both Desmond and Big Ears by their mother (Sandra Ng), even when Desmond is unfortunately diagnosed with leukemia which devastates his bright future awaits. Desmond's inevitable death gives a very important lesson to Big Ears that he eventually grows up to take after his elder brother.

Thoughout the film, you shall be teared by the family's noble love along with several soul-catching songs like I Wanna Be by The Monkees and Echoes of the Rainbow.

I wanna be free,
Like a bluebirds flying by me,
Like the waves out on the blue sea,
If your love has to tie me, don't try me,
Say goodbye.

2010-05-16T01:33:00.000-07:00

Echoes of Rainbow
~Aarif Lee

Softly sighs the Rainbow
Misty songs of old
Flowing by the skyline
My secret lullaby

Softly sighs the rainbow
Stories seldom told
Flowing by the skyline
My love songs that never rhyme

I...
Stand alone by my secret rainbow
Ah...
My secret rainbow

That I'll reveal to you someday~

2010-05-16T01:14:00.000-07:00

Other than you..

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

2010-05-09T20:41:00.000-07:00

glad that i've found you

2010-05-01T11:08:00.000-07:00

I remember...

I remember our every first.
How our hands touched, though just a little while.
I thought I was silly back then when I do things based on instincts
Like staring at your picture blankly for hours and hours
Photoshopping my picture in yours assuring myself that we both looked good together
Peeking at you constantly when you are not looking, then pretending to be doing other things when you suddenly looked my way
Smiling wide when you are near me, dreaming that you'll wink at me
Pretending to be normal when you talked to me
Calming myself down from shivers and chills when you stared at me
Trying not to melt when your eyes locked mine
I guess I should have stayed in the freezer then, not coming out till you lead me
And because whenever I feel cold I'd wish that you are there by me
Though most of the times, thinking of you already warmed me
At first I dare not think of us as more than what we were, knowing all along that we were friends for so long and shared the same gang of friends. I really did not think much, thus I sort of let you go slowly, though i feel bitter heartaches every night wanting you yet not wanting you. Anyway, who am I to dream of such dreams, that wishes would come true? That my life was always meant to be a fairytale? I am nobody. I am not pretty I am not talented. I am not smart. I am not good at anything. I am boring. I am not an entertainer. I am not humourous. I am not outspoken. I am not fun. I am not like other girls. I meant, I am not as good as them. I can never compare myself to them. I am nothing compared to them. But you said that I am not like other girls. I am not like other girls? What? Am I not as good? I know, sigh. But then you told me that you meant the other way around. That I am me, I have my own style. That you love me for who I am. I felt that I was worth it for that split second. To you, at least and definitely to my parents and God. You were the only one who told me I am not boring, though I constantly asked you this when we were together for that moment. I needed assurance I knew you could gave me. And true to the fact, you did. You told me a bunch of stuffs that you love to do, and as I listened, I began to see how we were so much alike. As in, how could this be possible? How could my fairytale other half be you? Will my other half even exist? OMG Why am I writing this when I already have you? HAHAHAH! Luckiest girl on the planet <3
30042010

2010-04-30T08:14:00.000-07:00

You...

I just want to sit in bed and snuggle and eat cereal and watch stupid movies with you all day long. I just want to cuddle in your arms looking at the blue sky fade into darkness as we both fall asleep. I just want to lean against you and feel your every heartbeat and do nothing else all day long as you hug me to sleep not letting me go. I love listening to you breathe when you're sleeping cause it calms my heart down. And I just want to be silent and listen to you talk about your past and silly things that you've done. I just want to cry knowing that you're by my side to cheer me up with hugs and kisses. I just want you to piggy back me all day long strolling through the park as I rest my head on your shoulders whispering sweet talks to you. I don't just want to imagine you by my side cause I miss you like crazy, every minute spent without you I'm lost. I just want to tell you that to find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness. Shall we compare our hearts to a garden, with beautiful blooms, swooping birds and sunshine and rain and darkness. I just want to tell you that we loved with a love that was more than love. Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly. And a bell is no bell till you ring it. And a song is no song till you sing it. And love in your heart, wasn't put there to stay. As love isn't love till you give it away. I gave it away once, but that was brief as when I grieved I realized that I have not actually given it away. Time is definitely too slow for those who wait. 20 years I've waited for you to come into my life, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. Our past is behind us, love is in front and all around us. Though I know a hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you and love is not singular except in syllable as well. I've never felt as comfortable and as relaxed as when I am with you though I am definitely shaking nervously inside screaming at the top of my lungs when you said you love me. I just want to spend every sunset and sunrise with you, feeling your sweet kisses in the morning and before I sleep. I want to wake up with your eyes locked onto mine as I turned over to avoid your eyes nervous and shy. I want to wake up with gray hair and denches still finding ourselves cuddling like everyday. I just want to hold your hands and not talk yet with a comfortable silence that makes me smile to myself silly as I peeked at you and you back at me. Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. I just want to play with your fingers all day long like how you stroked my hair with such gentleness which caught chills down my spine. Sometimes we make love with our eyes. Sometimes we make love with our hands, always we make love with our hearts. And I just want to giggle as you tickle me non stop when I mess around with you and then you pulled me back towards you. I just want to be close to you like how birds appear everytime when you are near. I just don't want to miss a thing with you because by missing a thing with you, I'm missing a piece of my life. We are both imperfect as we were meant to perfect each other and love each other till the other doesn't anymore. Tell me you love me will you? Tell me you love me everyday. Tell me over six billion souls in the world, I'm the only one you want. Tell me I'm worth it. Tell me I told you, it's you. Tell me do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you? Tell me when love is not madness, it is not love. Tell me there is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved. Tell me if I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden. Tell me to the world I might be just one person, but to you, I am your world. Tell me love is a symbol of eternity wiping out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all the fears of ends. Tell me hate leaves ugly scars but love leaves beautiful ones. Tell me I'm yours. I am already yours. For you see, each day I love you more. Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. So, tell me how many beads are there in a silver chain of evening rain, unravelled from the tumbling main, and threading the eye of a yellow star, so many times I've tried, and I finally found love today, in you. I love you.

2010-04-30T07:47:00.000-07:00

Love is a cycle

When you love, you get hurt
When you get hurt, you hate
When you hate, you try to forget
When you try to forget, you start missing
And when you start missing...
You'll eventually fall in love again
And I did
I love you

2010-04-25T19:50:00.000-07:00

I wished for it

i wished for it
Constantly wished for it
And now it came through
Everything came through
Though its not perfect
I'll make it perfect
I know it'll be perfect~

2010-04-24T10:35:00.000-07:00

My cries,

Love is a funny thing
Sometimes, we feel the strong need to keep our love a secret
From the object of our affection, for various reasons
They could still be attached
They may consider us as 'bestfriends' and we don't want to endanger it
Or maybe we just haven't come to terms with our feelings
The attempts that we have already made were all suddenly interrupted.
When we finally confess, it's like pulling our own teeth.
Though I know of no joy, greater after the sweetness of confession
I've waited so long, I've waited forever
And I'll never let you go will I?
I've been searching for you since I took my first breath
All I long for is to love you till my last breath
From the moment I saw you I knew
I was looking for you
Can I wake up now? Can someone shake me hard?
Can I believe what I'm feeling?
And to be sure I wasn't dreaming still
I felt it in my heart, and it burst
I was in pain, deep pain, torn between me and you
I want you, yet thinking from your perspective, I don't want you
I just don't want to see you cry
I don't want to see you hurt
As when you're hurt, you're hurting me as well
And when I cry, I know your heart's crying too
Two confused souls, still wondering around, still
We've found our stops, but will we stop?
Baby, its killing me
As tears rolled down my eyes
When I saw what you wrote
My heart's burning
I don't want to keep running
Cause I'll always end up at you

2010-04-24T02:34:00.000-07:00

You're just...

Sweeter than honey
Warm as a piece of the sun
And darker than night to a blind man
Yet softer than sharlit shining
Piercing through my heart
Melting my soul
You sent shivers down my spine
Just by looking at you
I don't want to miss a thing with you
You're just the best thing I ever had
Though it seemed so dejavu
I know deep inside that its not
Yet, I didn't want to believe it
I just didn't want to go through what I went through
Yet, again, cause I know I'm weak, weaker than you think I am
Though I can't seem to dance you out of my mind
Sometimes I'd just hide away in the nights
A place where you won't find me
A place where I might feel safe
But, I'll hear shoutings in my heart
Shattering them in millions, sometimes trillions
Till I'm unable to spread my wings, unable to fly to your side
When you satisfy my days and nights
Gratify my appetites, I never felt so good
I've always wanted to know how would it feel
When you filled the gaps of my fingers with yours
Come to think of it, that might be why God created it that way
I need you, though you'll never know

2010-04-22T07:47:00.000-07:00

it did...
it met, accidentally i guess x)

2010-04-21T09:44:00.001-07:00

Like what Liz said,

Cherish the moment, cherish each moment
So that no gaps will be left for regrets in later years
A part of me agreed to this, yet a part of me did not want to risk it
Or just incapable of risking it, so to speak
Life indeed is just like a brief candle, so vulnerable
We wouldn't know what's going to happen to us the next ten minutes
Unless you're psychic! HAHA
So why not go with the flow, go where the wind blows
To wherever it takes you
Take the path not taken all these while, take risks! Be bold
You'll have fun! And you may get a whole new perspective from that one step
One step which could make a huge difference in life
Cherish the moments, as we live
Cherish the lives we live
Don't be miserable! Be happy as you used to be
Life shouldn't be filled with regrets
Regrets suck! Have you ever experienced them?
I guess I did too, everyone should have at least one!
Though you're still a confused soul, just do what your heart tells you to
You're a strong girl, so don't think too much, just go out and enjoy to the fullest!
Chances don't happen twice, even if you want it too
Chances won't return, even if you cry your lungs out
Chances are opportunities that you should grab hold and not let go
Chances are not like rainbows, appearing everytime after the rain, unless you pray
Chances are rare and when you miss the chance
All you'll dream of are stars falling down one by one
At you

2010-04-21T06:24:00.000-07:00

You...

You freed my confused soul
No one ever succeeded
Though not no one, there was one
It had been a while since that one came along
And it had been a while since I'd love
I could love, yet I couldn't
I could give, yet I pulled back
I just didn't want to be hurt a second time
I did not want to give it a second chance
I just don't have the courage to
Do you? Tell me honestly
Do you feel the same way I do?
Do you feel the hurt that's been following you all these years?
I'm a little scared, so would you?
Comfort me, hold me, tell me I'm yours, tell me there's nothing to worry about
I've got soul, yes, still a confused soul
I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I'll never be, I'm weak, I'm vulnerable, I'm easily shattered
I was shattered once, my soul into pieces
Piece them up will you?
And glue them tight so they won't shatter any longer
Will you?

2010-04-19T04:16:00.000-07:00

Everytime

Everytime I look into your eyes
There's a pleasant surprise
Awaiting me and amazing me
Everything happened so fast, time passed so fast
Wish I could freeze moments, like Hiro Nakamura x) LOL!
Moments I did not need to pretend
Moments where I just laughed and be free
Like a bird you flew with me
Through everything
You called and just hung on for as long
There's just no uncomfortable silence between us
Though I just need to spend one moment with you
I've learnt to let you go and fly as you dream
Another moment
Somehow everything turned new
In the world I'm passing through
Over the waters that surrounded me
You wiped away my tears and sorrows
Getting to see you and feel you
You're always there
Our heads met when I curled up
You held my hands to keep me warm
Though its just for a split second I could recall every touch
And smile as I gazed at my own
How I wished you did not let go, something I could only dream of
Your voice that put me to sleep
Though I did not see you in my dreams
Why would I want to dream
When everything seems so real

2010-04-18T07:58:00.000-07:00

As Always...

Sitting by the window, waiting by the phone, sleeping all alone
Confused and dazed to actually realize how much I liked the tune
That it might come from you
You kept me waiting, I like waiting, though just a little
But sometimes its otherwise, our dreams kept us apart
Leading me to places of my own fantasy, which I loved a lot
Though you're not in it, but thinking of you before i drown in dreams
Are simply amazing
Counting you instead of counting sheeps, the thought of it itself
Is already sweet
And oh, reminds me of the bouncy thing that had been with me for quite some time
Right next to my window I kept it by my side
As long as I could as by looking at it I feel you by me
Cheering me up from my sorrows and lone
Remove that will you? I'm feeling the strain in me
Looking for the light through the pouring rain
I guess my hopes wouldn't come true, thought I really thought it would be beautiful
I know it will, at least that carried me through
Thanks for the joy that you've given me
I just want you to know I believe in your song, in everything that you are
Your rhythm and rhyme and harmony
And when my mind is free, you know melody can move me
And when I am feeling blue, your guitar came through to soothe me
You know, now that there is something, maybe it is just me
Still, not yet, find the exact arms, no longer
Though you may escape, leaving me lifeless, lost and confused once again
Your voice calms my every moment, like music in my ears
And your breath composes sweet surrenders
Like lullaby to my ears making me drowse and slumber, silence
Being still for hours yet knowing there's someone keeping you company
Though separated by a screen
Left me wondering why I always end up smiling after he's asleep
The feeling of someone looking out for you, someone being there for you
Hours passed, how I enjoyed every bit
Falling asleep thinking of how your hands might fit perfectly into mine
How your kisses send shivers and chills to my spine
And how your fingers would wander through my hair when I am asleep
I just can't get you out of me
Moments when we just sit together and talk forever just to pass time
Watching the sun rise and set every single day
When your eyes met mine, I turned over, yet I stared when you're not looking
Walking passed hoping that you'll notice but I guess you were just too busy
Discouraged, though I realize, it is hard to take courage
With those sad eyes, I took them away, in this world full of people
It is easy to lose sight of them all, and it just makes me smaller
Right then you came up to me and oh boy my heart pounded
Mesmerized by your beauty, I couldn't forget the way you looked at me
My heart was skipping beats, my head spinned
I felt so very shy, wonders if you feel it too
Like dejavu back in highschool
I guess I am in love, should I wait for the flowers to blossom on its own?

2010-04-18T07:51:00.000-07:00

Day after day...

I am more confused
Beginning to think I am wasting time
I do not understand the things I do, all of them
The world outside looks so unkind
Some place I never want to go never want to step out of where I belong
Drifting away and away from reality
So much into my fantasy, carried away
Lost in the world I've created a few years back

2010-04-12T08:04:00.000-07:00

Uncomfortable silences

Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.

You know,
when you are with someone
whether a person you know very or not very well
and sometimes you run out of stuff to say
and then the uncomfortable silence sets in
so, the arguement is
why should we even feel uncomfortable with that silence
and so the arguement goes on that
you know that someone is special, when both of you can just sit together, not say a thing, and still extremely comfortable.

~crdt Kit

Do i have mixed feelings? I guess I do?

2010-04-12T06:51:00.000-07:00

Rainbows painted ~
Thanks Kit!

2010-04-11T08:28:00.000-07:00

Paint me rainbows Will you?

Yeah, I've changed from sweet little thing to
paint me rainbows will you? already
Thought that would be more than suitable to my writings these couple of months Words that came knocking on my door, pleading to let them in
From the cold creepy world outside my door
I let them in, without hesitation
Knowing exactly how it felt being left to walk alone, without any hand to hold
In the dark, its all dark on this side of my world
Paint me rainbows will you?
Appreciated? How does it feel to be appreciated anyway when you're all along unappreciated
Being kicked to the curb, tossed around, being the centre of jokes
Cry? Why should I?
Rant? I guess I just did.

2010-04-03T00:22:00.001-07:00

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

2010-03-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

Stars Falling Down

C G Am F
I think that the stars would have waited for us
C G Am F
Hanging on to the night, watching down below
C G Am F
Until we were hand in hand, together waiting for them
C G Am
And when I open my eyes I saw it too
F
Stars falling down, when I fell for you
C G Am F
I love you, I love you. I do.

I think that the clouds like the laughter between us
Wanting to feel the warmth they're softly sinking down
Until the cover the streets just like a dreamland
And right above us they part so that I see through
Stars falling down, and I fall for you.

I love you, I love you. I do.

2010-03-26T22:44:00.000-07:00

Skies

There is only one thing that I love,
And that is the sky, far above,
And yes, there is plenty of room there in the blue!
For castles of clouds, and me too!

Have you ever wondered why is the sky blue?

2010-03-25T17:13:00.000-07:00

To reach you

Just as usual when I turn around that corner,
I merge into a sea of people,
And melt away into nothing.
I lose myself completely and can find no words to say.
Yet, one thing still remains, still remains…
Your voice.

Everything about you, your smile, your anger,
Keeps me walking forward.
If I just look up, where the clouds start to break,
I think you know what I mean, I think you do know what I mean

My life has been vague, my heart has been raw.
Over there, look, up ahead…
A dear person is there.
If you get lost, I will be your guiding path,
Only if you believe, making sure of its ways, without fear.

Light gathers, shooting across the sky, it understands you.
And the path we walk, will shine brighter,
Wherever it goes, wherever it goes,
Wherever it goes…

Wherever hair, voice, mouth, fingertips meet,
For now, this is just fine.

Aluto
Michi to you all

2010-03-23T07:51:00.000-07:00

Tears...

What so nice about crying? Tears, tears and more tears...
Why waste energy crying when all you need to do is sleep and regenerate youself?
Why do we cry when we're stuck? Or when we have no idea what we're doing?
Will it create miracles? Like that will help...lol.
Ended up worrying your loved ones. Which I hate. Very much.

Raindrops falling incessantly
Each time I think the skies are letting out
Should we let out sometimes as well? We should I guess.

Cry only when you're in the rain, as no one will notice you
Cry as loud as you want to, as no one can hear you
But don't touch metal lar, as if you did, no one will ever see you again

H A H A

2010-03-23T07:31:00.000-07:00

5531 today

Who reads my blog anyway?

2010-03-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

A wasted day, yet not so wasted after all...

I spoiled the day
Hotly, in haste
All for the calm hours
All for the mornings and nights in the chilly lab
I gashed and defaced, wrinkling up my little face
Whatever lar wei..

Let me forget, let me embark
Let me sleep for my boat and sail through the dark
All for lineweights and scales, all for perfection and precision
Which spoilt my day, why didn't I check through it first?
Carelessness, as usual, Blur, yes I know.
All for my sleepiness, and procrastinations, last minute works..
Why did it disappear? Or why didn't it appear?
Blardy plotting and layouts..did no good to me, but for all that is,
I've completed it, though it wasn't good, it's good.

Why do I have to emphasize on this?
But YALA....I spoiled my day lar..
But i seriously did not spoiled the school's plotter! Haha!
Went out to print instead and yes i did submit, though 40 minutes late
But the sky will always be blue, I'll always be good. Not on time, but still 'on time'
*Thanks Ms. Alina*

Felt like screaming, felt happy, felt restless, felt like running in circles
I got saman-ed at 12.22pm
When I actually got into my car at 12.30pm
What a day..
Off I went to repark, then rushed for Studio
Did nothing yesterday, made nothing, thought of nothing, didn't want to think of anything..but I did crapped up something and Mr. Ian liked the theoretical concept behind it, though I'm not sure what exactly am I presenting about, but hey, I've got my direction right already...
I supposed! x)

Ended the day with green tea ice-cream, times square, drizzles and knife cuts like a knife. Happy. Guess my day isn't wasted after all.

All for one day. What a mess...

2010-03-21T11:09:00.000-07:00

Aiyoyo...

studio kantoi
model kantoi
history kantoi
working drawings kantoi
project management ok lar haven't kantoi

and i'm listening to zee avi's kantoi
WTF

that's why all kantoi lar! hahahahhah!

2010-03-20T14:11:00.000-07:00

starry starry night on a starry starry night

*playing vincent's starry starry night! hahaha!
but i'm not painting pallettes blue and grey lar x)
emofying lar now!
autocad cannot use at all and submissions on tuesday x(

2010-03-20T13:55:00.000-07:00

There it floated...

Among the birds and clouds at ease,
Of others all unnoted,
Swimming above the ranked stiff trees,
And I lay down, looking up at the sky,
The clouds and birds that floated,
But others still unnoted,
And that swaying kite,
Specking the light,
I look up at the sky.

2010-03-20T13:47:00.000-07:00

why my autocad crashed T_____________T!
TERMINATED AAAAAAHH!!

The only features left are, FILE, EDIT, AND HELP!!!!!!

OOOOOO
MMMMMMMMMM
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

college T_T

2010-03-19T18:14:00.000-07:00

A can of coke...

...to destress ~
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
. save me please!

2010-03-19T16:19:00.000-07:00

I'm ranting again...

...but it's nice. Odds are, no one will see this, no one reads my writings, but y'know what, whatever, i'm getting it out there and that's what should matter in the end. when you rant TO someone you risk getting interrupted and losing your flow and losing the rant itself. This way it's all me and all rant. The end comes when i run out of things to rant about or i feel like it. Smple as that. Screw grammar and spelling. I wonder, if its not for the language we have and we use in our daily lives, what would our thoughts be like? babies don't know a "language" or so we think and yet they can think right? but then again what is it to think? is it different for everyone? I know i hear a voice. but i don't really HEAR it y'know? it's just... there. It's mostly just the voice. A voice that isn't a voice, alluring me to bed everytime -.- Nonetheless, its nice to know that you're not forgotten in your sleep. In your dreams you dream of sorrows, fear and fright but when you wake up knowing that someone's waiting for you at the other side of the line, you'll somehow forget about the sorrows, fears and frights..that everything'll be okay when you wake up. that everything will be fine when you hear his voice. that everything'll be back to what it used to be. its just somehow right with my soul. Maybe that's what a non-voice is? The soul. I mean do we really know we think with our minds? Well maybe we do but that thought may be the soul speaking to us. That would be the defining feature of life i think, the soul. All living things must have one, it's what makes them alive y'know? plants, animals. If it's alive it must first have a soul. Then what happens when we die? To our soul? It's not really anything that we can define or see or touch or anything right so what happens to it? Maybe everything exists because of the soul? Life itself is part of a giant spirit let's call it. We die it joins back up to teh whole and then splits off again to form a new being. The universe is huge how do we know what else is out there? Maybe it's all connected, we're all connected, through the soul. Why so avatar? HAHA! It makes sense to me, screw loopholes and fallacies (whatever those are). We live in the 3rd dimesion they say, they say the 4th is time. maybe the soul is a 4th dimensional being trapped in a 3 dimensional form? the soul can be "reborn" as anything at any time. it helps explain deja vu as well kinda. or those dreams that never seem to make any sense. they're just teh memories of the soul. And in a sense our connection is even greater because we're all one but not. Since we don't know what happens to us when we die no one can really disprove this theory right?

2010-03-19T16:10:00.000-07:00

I used to...

...read more books then... maybe becuase everything was more interesting? more likely i've just lost interest in many things. lots of things. everything? it's getting there... it will one day, i'm pretty sure. it's not a fun thought =/ but i guess that's life eh? what's life? what's death? what IS anything REALLY? do we "exist"? what is it to exist? how'd this life of ours begin, where's it going ,why is it here? maybe there are answers maybe there aren't... what if everything means nothing? if it's just like a movie you watch then never think about again? maybe that's all we are, a movie a book a play whatever for some other... being or form or who knows what. when it ends, will anyone care? how many times will it be rewatched or reread? maybe that explains deja vu? deja vu is a pretty fancy thing, it's creepy kinda but it's really cool too. i always enjoy it. now i can't tihnk of anything to link off that so I think the rant's done for now...says it's on March. 20th, being tomorrow. Whatever, doesn't really matter much i suppose. I feel sick to my stomach. Last evening was fun for the most part, a soothing experience as a whole. too bad it ended with drizzles, then emo songs all over. Something we both liked very much. But it's just too much for me. I don't want to listen to it because i just want to be happy but i just love listening to it. Crap. shyt.

2010-03-18T12:43:00.001-07:00

What a day...

Went strolling in the park again today! haha! And yeah, we got lost many times; each time reaching dead ends and unfamiliar routes. Damn, I should know the way right? Since I'm the one staying there for the past 13 years! HAHAHA! And here I am, lost, walking around aimlessly, looking at trees. Yes trees! I like the way they all differ in texture, length and language. They're just awesome and inspiring to look at. I could have just sat on the grass looking at tress all day =) especially when it's in the evening where the sun's not that bright anymore! Freaking hawt man today but thank goodness there's wind! yay! Oh yeah, I wanted to lie on the grass and fall asleep there but there's ants T___________T *horrible creatures x(* okay lar..they're not horrible, they're just FREAKING HORRIBLE! so yeah, we walked and walked and walked >>>the park's huge! the last time we went, we just wandered along the playground area and never ventured deep inside. I did lar, not him. And my guitar's heavy! sigh! Stopped near the lake with round tables alongside. Took some rest there, played guitar and sang, watched the ducks and fishes in the unmaintained pond, uncles jogging and uncles changing. EWW. One of them actually peed in the bushes WTH! *pukes* The whole day was freaking emo. We played emo songs, some beatles, well, I play emo songs HAHA and rested our heads on the table. Then, went back down for some drinks; as we had nothing to do already. And went back in..lol ...walked on the stone path! HAHA! I cannot larrr.. after the first few steps I gave up and ended up walking the path with slippers! x) My feet couldn't take the sharp shones!! Later, went back for drinks! And this time, the pakcik asked us to play some songs for him as he saw me holding my guitar. So yeah, the day ended with that =) Sat down next to his stall and he played loads of songs for us! Mostly malay songs like 'teratai' and 'bintang di syurga', rock songs - metallica and what not. Alot more we didn't really know the lyrics and all. Sweet child of mine, fade to black! Damn pro wei the way he played although he told us he stopped playing 5 years ago. Was in a band that time - guitarist (electric/base) and vocalist! Cool huh! It was entertaining to the people around and there's this small little boy about say 7 years old who sat beside us the whole time listening to the pakcik play! He seems very interested in it =) I asked him whether is the boy his son? But he told me in a song, 'that kid is not my son'. LOL! michael jackson! HAHAHAHAHAH! then it started to drizzle a bit so we told him we should make a move and while walking to our cars, it started to rain a little so i ran with my guitar and made it right on time before it starts to rain! Thank goodness! It ended nicely. Not emo at all. Was very stressed up the day before and i kept sleeping at wrong hours. It's just VERY WRONG! Feeling totally restless and hopeless in my work. Indeed I was happy today but when i got into my car and turned on to channel 6, Lite Fm, the first song played was....

knife, cuts like a knife
will i ever heal?
i'm so deeply wounded, knife
cuts like a knifeeee

O M G emoness....back again..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
But the song's nice lar! Just that, why lah no happier songs! hahaha!
Plus, its raining.
Raining + Knife cuts like a knife + driving alone + jam sikit = oklar......
But that'll do...it still ended nicely.
What a day..

Signing off =) I shall continue my working drawings now.

2010-03-17T03:40:00.000-07:00

His. life.

I want to end the day faster.
Sigh.

I just want it to.
And everyday of my life to be shorten to an hour a day.
Make it a second a day.
Or easier, a breath representing a lifetime.
And ends as I exhale my only breath that I take.

Cause I couldn't see anything positive.
I want to give up.

I would like a bullet through my head now.
Or train come crashing through me.
Or the Empire States tower slipping and falling on me.
Sigh.

I don't like this.
I dont like that either.
But I couldn't help it.

Sigh.
I wish everything would've gone right for me.
That my path would be straight.
But sometimes its just to hard for me to get through it.

~cited emoguy

2010-03-16T10:50:00.001-07:00

Lord, hide me in that secret place under the shadow of Your wings, for when I am weak, then I am strong

2010-03-16T10:25:00.000-07:00

God will make a way...

God will make a way if we cast all our fears, dreads, rants, sorrows, griefs, distress, burdens, troubles and regrets onto Him. There is absolutely nothing to fear as He is always there to lead and guide us as we carry on in life. Put your trust in Him, don't lose hope as He is our only hope. Continue to have faith in Him as everything is under His control. Please God, let us be a generation that seeks you; that seeks your face; let us not lift our souls to another. Pull us back into the path that You had laid for us long before we were even conceived. Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts, cleanse our hearts, though we are sinners. In trouble times, speak to us. Let us hear your voice, let us see your face as we read your word. In times of distress, give us peace to rest our hearts. These few days had been harsh for me as I grief every night, believing that I'm good for nothing, that I'm slacking whatever I do, that I'm just not good enough, that time is running out and here I am staring blankly at the solemn skies not knowing what to do, and what should be done. I need your touch Lord, I really do. Bless me with joy and restore me with passion and soul as I know that you have not given up on me, thus I won't give up on myself as well. Renew my life Lord. I do not want to be the same. Renew my life I plead. Place your heart inside of me, in my life and thoughts, there are so many things that need the change of that and only your love can bring. All I need is to be transformed wholly into your likeness. Change this heart inside of me. More than anything. Yes, more than anything, I love you. More than anything, more than worldly wealth, more than life itself. Nothing in this world can take your place, or ever take your love away. And someday I'll look into your eyes and say

Lord I'm hungry!

*not literally hungry lah - u think kai fan kah fan meh? HAHAHAHAH!

Hungry for a move, thirsty for your touch. Touch my hands and my heart. Fill my life again Lord, every part of it. Let the power of the Holy Spirit fall on me, anointing fall upon me...

God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me

He will be my Guide
Hold me closely to His side
With love and strength
For each new day
He will make a way
He will make a way

By the roadway in the wilderness
He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
He will do something new today

2010-03-16T08:48:00.000-07:00

Dream a While with Me

I dream of rainbows, bright in the sky,
I dream of lightning, together we cry,

I dream of flowers, I feel such delight,
I dream of ants, and I scream with fright,

Stay with me forever and together we’ll cope,
Because when I dream of you, I dream of hope,

Dream awhile with me and together we’ll see,
Dreams filled with creams gleams.

Cathryn Martin

*ant/ ants are horrible !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-03-16T01:19:00.000-07:00

1 John 4: 12-13

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. We know that we live in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit.

Trust in Faith, as..

Fear says: WHY GOD?
Faith says: WHY NOT?

2010-03-16T01:14:00.000-07:00

Imperfections, that's what I am; Confusions, just to get sad

The moment I can't pretend
The sorry I should have said
The thought of you being in despair
Tears my heart up right away
I just wasn’t prepared

The one thing I’ll take with me
The eyes that smile so tenderly
Every time I think about you
You make everything seem right
You make wishes come true

Juwita Suwito

2010-03-15T08:27:00.001-07:00

Who can strain the blue from the skies?

I tried to grasp its beauty
It eludes me
Leaving only the body in my hands
My bare hands...

Baffled and weary I came back
Wondering and pondering
How can the body touch the flower which on ly the spirit may touch?

2010-03-15T04:33:00.000-07:00

Old and Barren...

Young and hopeless...
The boy who has no future...

~ Marcus Sia

*comments* why so emo lar

2010-03-15T03:11:00.000-07:00

Frozen tunes...

Everytime the chill wind blows past my fingertips
Reminiscence of your hair upon those skinny tips
I can hear your laughter in my ears
Though you had eyes filled with tears

I want to run there and hug you
My legs frozen
I hugged my teddy bear instead
My lips frozen
More than words could ever say
My tongue frozen

All that my heart could ever state
Words I could never say
Words that aren't right to say
For all that you would want to say
For all that you would want to hear
Though you would love to say
But its just not for me to say...

2010-03-15T03:09:00.000-07:00

Don't look at me like that..

Lift your head look at me just be yourself
That is what you said to me with a smile
Every labyrinth has a way out
In that gentle voice, I felt the wind
Leave this room of loneliness and solitude
The key to the riddle is always in your hands
It is up to you
Enveloped in the infinite sky that is where we will live
If we open the door and fly out somewhere new
In a place that will hang the future
You will…

2010-03-15T03:06:00.001-07:00

Blowing everywhere it is~

Peace like a river
Love like a mountain
Joy like a fountain
Healing spring of life
The wind of your spirit
Blowing everywhere~

2010-03-14T10:02:00.000-07:00

dreaming of my little cottage in the open land~

2010-03-14T09:44:00.000-07:00

Of Parks and 3G

rie rie weeee! says:
aku nak pigi taman! nak jogging?..
you guys nak join? haha!
the girls belum bagi tau lagi!

Kent says:
Pigi taman je lah then..buat apa nak jogging ?

rie rie weeee! says:
u bolehke?
ok lah pergi taman je

Kent says:
I jog around my house.

rie rie weeee! says:
hahahaha
alaa
ALAAAA

Kent says:
Tak mau sengaja pigi jauh jauh jog lo O_o.

rie rie weeee! says:
You jog dari rumah u hingga ke taman kat rumah i lah! HAHA

Kent says:
Okay..jau gam lah.
I jog then 3g it to you.
You play the video while jogging.
Then it'll be like I teman you =D

rie rie weeee! says:
LAME SIALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH

Kent says:
I got a pro sifu =D

rie rie weeee! says:
cehhhh wahh

2010-03-04T01:22:00.001-08:00

working drawing's AWESOME! YAYYYY!