sweetlittlething~

02082011

Sometimes I wonder, what is like to belong? Or rather, I just forgot what is it like to belong. Circumstances, situations, personal reasons, knowing me, you'll know why, but I guess 99 out of 100 of you won't get what I mean because life seems perfect around you, rather, almost, until you neglect those people around you. Few weeks ago my pastor mentioned that we should not always be in our clicques until we tend to forget about the lone, it is not a need to, but through all these months I started to realize how lonely I actually am, being the lone one in the family despite born as an only child, outcast in my home church as there are no peers to share my thoughts with, forgotten by friends abroad most of the time, having to sit alone at lectures because though I have opportunities to, my presence won't be valued, or rather see it as a waste of time, me being there or not, makes no difference in their lives, also, enjoys being alone in my room; or rather, I should get used to that thought as there's no one to hang out with, scared to go out alone but my situation left me no choice, went home for winter holidays but was neglected and unappreciated by my bestfriends who kept talking among themselves and if I am not wrong, they did not even ask me a thing about my life in Melbourne. Don't this feel like being normal friends rather than bestfriends? This got me questioning whether do distance and time really matters in relationships like these, and I came to a conclusion that we're all just not making the effort to bond. Things like these really got me thinking what should I do at this moment? The truth is, I am already tired of making the effort to make friends anymore, as my existing ones are not even there for me. How I wish I was back in Malaysia, and just forget everything that has happened to me through these months. Things have changed, even my closest friends noticed this and mentioned to me. I'm abroad and she's not which is even worst for her situation and all she could do is to think positive and continue the current effort though it may not be as much help as it might seem. Anyway, being abroad for me ain't all candys and roses, rather, I shall compare it to thorns and piercings. Thanks for reading.