Friday, July 23, 2010

i feel like crying..

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


having a fever now, felt exceptionally cold the entire day, though i usually feel cold at my seating position, today was really restless, my morning was a killer when i was pushed to drive the car, and my mom to my workplace, then submissions overwhelmed my desk, i could barely be seen from the next desk,...

kityeng's here to pick me up, continuing this later : D ciaozz
and happy fever to me

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Surprise : )

And you brought a germany bear back for me : D
knowing that I always sleep late and have insomnia sometimes,
missing you and rewinding memories of us and rereading messages,
holding it in my arms, as though you're cuddling me to sleep,
accompanying me every night and every middle of the nights when i just couldn't close my eyes,
waking up to it, little mini versions of you,
how i wish i could rescale them, or maybe just rescale me

Sunday, July 11, 2010


I'm so sad and depressed, all I want to do is rest, you told me to rest but I just couldn't seem to find my way through the night, dreams I just couldn't fight, perhaps i just need you beside even though it's just for a while, as brief as a candle in the wind, I think of you lying in that bed, and wonder if there is anything I could have said, I wish you were still here, how I wish you're just here, though I I know that you are still near, I love you more than you know, I just wish yesterday you didn't have to go, darling it seems like a thousand years, much more than a thousand stars, counting them one by one till we grow old, still, I guess we won't be able to stop counting these endless beings, I just want one more day with you, and I know thats what you would have wanted it too, I miss you more and more each day, in particular today, there is so much more we have to say, though we were surrounded by breezes of silence today, I knew you weren't in your best today, it hurts to know that you're cutting us away, I guess you didn't feel it as much as I do, I love you no matter what you're going through, in all that I'm going through, together we'll go through, I will see you again, darling, till then won't my life begin.
I didn't want this,

There are times when I will upset you and cause you unwanted anger,
There are times of mood swings that would bring me down emotionally as well,
In life there will be struggles, arguments and challenges we will have to endure together,
There will be times where I'll pressure myself in finishing everything and letting it out on you,
There are going to be unwise decisions that I'll always make that might disappoint you,
There are actions I might act upon that will cause you to worry about me all the time,
There will be times where I rather stay up late, not going to bed like you told me to,
There will be moments where you will make me cry and bring me to tears,
There will also be moments where you'll weep for the same reasons,
There are harsh words you might say that will cause me hurt and bring me sadness,
but no matter what, I will always love you.

It reeks of this powerful element called emotion
It reaches your heartstrings and tugs
Hear the echoes?
You eyes will swell with tears
You may reach for the tissue when you hear the familar echoes of love amid rainbow hues chiming resonantly in your ears, beckoning you to take note,

“come take my hand, and together we'll stroll down memory lane..”
Shall we?
Could we ever freeze echoes of rainbows?

Or capture its colours of magical wonders in a jar before it disappears?
Would you hold my hand and lead me up the pathway of rainbows?
Up to nowhere near what the world possessed, of divinity of eternity of everlasting
Love transcends time, boundaries and creeds
Believing that there’s no greater journey than the one that leads you to love
Sometimes, if you can catch the breeze at the right time, you’ll have this surging feeling that love is all around us
Have you ever been assailed by such intense happiness inside, that you feel that you’re like a lark going to burst into song?
For crying out loud, everybody does
Good things are transient, are momentary, they never last
Treasure love when it’s around. Maybe for now, it is staring at you in the face
But it’s like a car, parked at your door, and when the time comes, it revs up and roars off
Weep not when love dies as people do fall out of love
Though time will heal almost everything, memories and scars cannot be erased.

Yet, I believe that good things could last, even if it is as little as one percent
Cherishing every day of our lives together, till the day we part
Dear Marcus, indeed none of your scars will make me love you less
Where you?

I know it hasn't been long since I last saw you,
But to me it feels as long as five hundred years,
I miss you to the point I might be loosing all sanity,
There has to be an end to all this calamity,

I think of you every second and every breath,
For you I would stare even into the face of death,
To kiss your lips is to taste the sweetness of love,
And it brings forth feelings from the heavens above,

To look into your eyes is to gaze into the sky,

So beautiful with the stars and the heavens inside,
To see your smile is to see the divine, sweet love of mine.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

The beginning...

If love can be avoided by simply closing our eyes, then I wouldn't blink at all for I don't want to let a second pass having fallen out of love with you.


Music starts playing like the end of a sad movie
It's the kind of ending you don't really want to see
Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't want to be without you around


When I walk I touch the sky. I feel ten feet tall. And I know why
It's everywhere. It's in your eyes. The secret that we can defy
You helped me grow. Now you gotta let me go. Cause I have learned to fly on my own
And it's gonna be. Pulling on my heart and soul. But I can't go back now that I know
Falling upwards. Catch me if you can. One step forwards. Here we go again
Gravity. Ooh, La dada dada da. Can't bring me down
Gravity. Ooh, La dada dada da. Can't bring me down
When I walk I touch the sky. Lucy Schwartz

Honestly, I never thought of gravity as something so subtle and feminine as this

Friday, July 9, 2010


I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me. I played pretend between the trees, and fed my houseguests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green. I had a dream That I could fly from the highest swing. I had a dream. Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I'm supposed to be. The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep. I had a dream That I could fly from the highest tree. I had a dream. Now I'm old and feeling grey. I don't know what's left to say about this life I'm willing to leave. I lived it full and I lived it well, there's many tales I've lived to tell. I'm ready now, I'm ready now, I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing. I had a dream
Architecture about people. If it had not been about people, it would not have been our profession. It is through our understanding of what people want that our designs evolve. We connect to people through our buildings. Designs must stir people's emotions. Give to others more than what we take for ourselves. And put back to the environment more than what we take from it. We resolve this to be our guiding philosophy for all that we design and create. Architecture has everything to do with people. Which is why our relationship to our client. Go far beyond the project itself. ZLG Design.

Monday, July 5, 2010


Be thankful for what you have. Be creative. Be innovative. Think differently and positively.
Live life with no excuse and love with no regrets.
When life gives you a 100 reasons to cry, show life that you have 1000 reasons to smile
Face your past without regret.
Handle your present with confidence.
Prepare for the future without fear.
Keep the faith and drop the fear.
Life has to be an incessant process of repair and reconstruction, of discarding evil and developing goodness. In the journey of life, if you want to travel without fear, you must have the ticket of a good conscience...

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Feng Shui

No hill in line. No tree in front.

No john above. No wet beneath.
No mirrored hall or bush too tall.

No stove with sleep or land too deep.
No street too high or wall you’ll die.

No number four, no squared off door
No poisoned corner corner corner corner

– where’s that fucking mirror.
No stop. Look. Go. No door face door.
No decisions without my secret compass.

No evil. No doubt. No end. No.
Fengshui. Somehow, the master forgets about smell, sound and touch.

Ask one and bewilderment will never have looked so complete;
it is all about seen and the no-that-can’t-be-done.
They forget about exceptions to the no because their books only speak of rules,
not when and how they can be broken.
Fengshui. The subversive art of sight, smell, taste, touch, sound and yes.

~Small Projects by Kevin Mark Low

This abstract inspired me a lot after I read the entire book of Small Projects by the Legendary Kevin Mark Low who designed, to me, the most pleasant, experiential and sustainable building in Malaysia, non other than PJ Trade Centre at Damansara Perdana, so to speak. And yes, practicality and feasibility are essential elements that we should learn as we blossom in the world of architecture, not of buildings, but of people and our senses. After working at ZLG Design for a period of two weeks, I started to change my mindset of thinking, to create buildings that value experiences, not merely form making, massing and aesthetics at this point. Yes, all architecture has to have a certain degree of aesthetics but what is aesthetics without quality? Both elements intertwines and twines and twines and we'll whine when we're out of ideas and all.

Phenomenology. The sixth sense. Practicality. Theoretical thinking. Critical learning. Firdaus Khazis. Melbourne University.

So be it, architecture! I'll be back in August!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Nonstraightforward Architecture:
A Gentle Manifesto

I like complexity and contradiction in architecture. I do not like the coherence or arbitrariness of incompetant architecture nor the precious intricacies of picturesqueness or expressionism. Instead, I speak of a complex and contradictory architecture based on the richness and ambiguity of modern experience, including that experience which is inherent in art. Everywhere, except in architecture, complexity and contradiction have been acknowledged, from Godel's prrof of ultimate inconsistency in mathematics to T.S. Eliot's analysis of 'difficult' poetry and Joseph Albers' definition of the paradoxial quality of painting.

But architecture is necessarily complex and contradictory in its very inclusion of the traditional Vitruvian elements of commodity, firmness, and delight. And today, the wants of programme, structure, mechanical equipment and expression, even in single buildings in single contexts, are diverse and conflicting in ways previously unimaginable. The increasing dimension and scale of architecture in urban and regional planning add to the difficulties. I welcome the problems and exploit the uncertainties. By embracing contradiction as well as complexity, I aim for vitality as well as validity...

Architects can no longer afford to be intimidated by the puritanically moral
language of orthodox Modern architecture. I like elements which are hybrid rather than "pure," compromising rather than "clean," distorted rather than "straightforward,”ambiguous rather than "articulated," perverse as well as impersonal, boring as well as "interesting," conventional rather than "designed," accommodating rather than excluding, redundant rather than simple, vestigial as well as innovating, inconsistent and equivocal rather than direct and clear. I am for messy vitality over obvious unity.

I include the non sequitur and proclaim the duality. I am for richness of meaning rather than clarity of meaning; for the implicit function as well as the explicit function. I prefer "both-and" to "either-or," black and white, and sometimes gray, to black or white. A valid architecture evokes many levels of meaning and combinations of focus: its space and its elements become readable and Workable in several ways at once.

But an architecture of complexity and contradiction has a special obligation
toward the whole: its truth must be in its totality or its implications of totality. It must embody the difficult unity of inclusion rather than the easy unity of exclusion. More is not less.

~Robert Venturi

Perception in Architecture: An Analysis of the Idea of 'Home' in Modern Houses
Architecture Design Theory 2008
By Marie Jacqueline Tan G-Ming 0801P65546


Architecture is a perception that transforms and needs to be modernized without losing its primary function and fundamental property. In contrast, modern architecture is no longer about purpose or sense of life. (Pallasmaa, 1998, p.125) In time, it is becoming meaningless a people see, people create and that is what architecture is translated into. Building soon will lose their sensory invitation, mystery and secrecy which were once the essence of an ideal place of dwelling. Turning into a retinal art, architecture has thus rejected the perception of a “home”. (Holl, Pallasmaa, Perez-Gomez, 2005, p.29)

The concept of “home” is more towards personalization of an individual which falls outside the modern concept of architecture. Architects build dwellings that, perhaps, satisfy most of our personal needs, but which do not house our mind. When comparing designs of modernity to those of today’s buildings, we will instantaneously notice a loss of empathy for the dweller. (Pallasmaa, 1998, p.113) To a certain point, dwellings must provide space for the experience of the sacred. According to Holl, “Sensations of experience become a kind of reasoning distinct to the making of architecture. Whether reflecting on the unity of concept and sensation, or the intertwining of idea and phenomena, the hope is to unite intellect and feeling precision with soul.” (cited in Dietmar, 2002)

In relation, phenomenology of architecture is looking at architecture from within the consciousness experiencing it, through architectural feelings and emotions. Phenomenology seeks the inner language of a building. If a building does not fulfil the basic conditions formulated for it, phenomenologically, it is unable to influence the emotional feelings that link our souls to the images the building creates. Accordingly, Holl and Pallasmaa are key protagonists who write about phenomenology in architecture. On the same line, similar explorations were the key to Tadao Ando’s works.

So, how do Ando’s houses connect and relate to the phenomenology of architecture? Is Ando’s concept of “space” in line with Holl and Pallasmaa’s ideas on phenomenology?

In this research essay, I will discuss the perceptions on modern architecture through theories proposed by Pallasmaa and Holl respectively, and how it threatens the concept of “home”. I will then further analyze the idea of “home” using examples of Holl’s houses based on Holl and Pallasmaa’s theory of phenomenology. With this, I will discuss Ando’s concept of space by comparing two of Ando’s houses; the Koshino House and the Azuma House that best exemplifies the notion of phenomenology in architecture.


Perceptions on modern architecture and how it threatens the concept of “home”

To start off with, Pallasmaa speaks of architecture as an experiential art that integrates with the five senses, not solely on sight alone. In today’s world, sight has dominated the way we “see” the world. People usually perceive based on first impressions which usually arise from external perceptions. As architects, we design what is most pleasing to the eye; what looks good on pictures and often we communicate ideas through the visual medium. (Holl, Pallasmaa, Perez-Gomez, 2005, p.29) However, most architects tend to neglect or otherwise fail to see the importance of integrating the other senses in evoking a multi-sensory experience in space. (Pallasmaa, 2005, p.62) It is merely a representation of treacherous and blind hostility towards the senses. (Niezsche, 1968, p.253)

Consequently, Steven Holl addresses that our reactions to the visual, tactile, aural and kinaesthetic s sense to a building and its environment very much conditions our behaviour and the way we function in a space. For a building to illustrate an experiential value that surpasses its functional value, a building would need to provide sensory experiences through overlapping elements of architecture to create engagements that in turn form emotional reactions to space. (Holl, Pallasmaa, Perez-Gomez, 2005, p.41) Here, we may be able to have a clearer sense of what is meant for Steven Holl, by that little very “to see.” (Futagawa, 1993a, p.80) Vision is not a certain mode of thought but rather, it is the means given to us for being absent from ourselves. When we observe a building, are we aware of our unique existence in space?

Similarly, Pallasmaa and Holl expresses that architecture is an experiential journey that can never be experienced as a whole. A building needs to be sliced apart from its totality in order for the partial perceptions to be explored. Broken up into fragments of experience such as light and shadow, materiality, enmeshed experience, time and duration, an individual must utilize all the five senses in order to capture the essence of distinct phenomena. (Holl, Pallasmaa, Perez-Gomez, 2005, p.42)

An analysis of the idea of “home”

The feeling of being “at home” cannot be bought because it comes from an intimate relationship between us and our most personal space. (Pallasmaa, 1998, p.60) Our house and home enables us to develop a sense of who we are. It is like a point of departure from which we orient ourselves, shaping us just as we shape it. Fundamentally, a “home” acts as a barrier that distances us from the public, leaving us all alone. Through reflective analysis and solitude, only are we able to access our inner life and being. In addition, buildings do speak through the silence of perceptual phenomena which draws focus onto one’s existence.
This can be seen in one of Steven Holl’s architecture, the New Residence at the Swiss Embassy, Washington D.C., United States. Responding directly to the needs of an ambassador in modern times; in contrast to the existing house, this new one provides privacy for the ambassador and his family, as well as flexible space for today’s diplomatic social life. Besides, with a mixture of strong gestures with the almost secretive air, this new residence announces itself as belonging architecturally to the 21st century.

Figure 1: New Residence at the Swiss Embassy, Washington D.C., United States.

“We have just as great a need to keep secrets as we have to reveal, know and understand them,” mentioned Pallasmaa. (1998, p.121). One of the reasons why contemporary houses are so alienating is that they do not contain secrets anymore. Their structure and contents are conceived at a glimpse. It is simply just transparent and contains very few meanings to its existence. “Home” is particularly strongly felt when we look out from its enclosed privacy yet feeling secure in the inside. It is widely observed that contemporary architecture utilizes a lot of glass walls to eliminate the traditional concrete walls, to break the boundaries between the public and the private.

In the Planar House, Holl placed perforated sheets of steel in front of the main entrance to illustrate transparency. By doing this, he succeeded in creating integration with the exterior, but at the same time, maintaining a level of privacy. When light shines through the patterned steel sheets, the patterns reflect down onto the floor, transforming at different times of the day.

2 3
Figure 2: Planar House.
Figure 3: Light and shadow, time and duration (Holl, 1991, p.62)

This concept of experimenting architecture with spatial and light sequence, textures, smells and sounds is also represented in Holl’s Stretto House. (Holl, Pallasmaa, Perez-Gomez, 2005, p.65) The “stretto” form enables Holl to divide the space in a way that each space is imperative to the other. The flow of space evolve as the floor surface overlaps the next level, the roof overlaps the walls and the curvilinear walls draw in light into the interior spaces. Not only do the forms that compose the house work like the instruments, but the landscape also acts as one of the voices in the “stretto”. When the landscape flows into the house, light flows in too, indicating a flooded room which serves as the phenomenological center of the house. For Holl, the concept is the very meaning of the house. (Holl, 2003, p.37)


Figure 4: Stretto House.

Ezra Pound argued that “music decays when it goes too far from dance and poetry withers when it distances itself too far from song”. (Holl, 2003, p.50) In the same way, architecture has its own origins, and if it moves too far away from them, it will lose its effectiveness. Thus, an intimate relationship with one’s “home” needs to be continually reasserted.

Tadao Ando’s concept of space

One of the questions frequently raised is of how Ando’s houses exemplify the theory of phenomenology. With this, I am going to analyze the theory of phenomenology by Holl and Pallasmaa and incorporate the theories into Ando’s two houses; the Koshino House and the Azuma House respectively.

The Koshino House is located underground, emanating a feeling of secrecy and distancing from public spaces. However, light that enters through narrow slits in walls and ceilings, and in addition to some large windows in the living room facing the outdoor court creates the feeling of openness to nature. Windows are situated to offer only a limited view to the garden, but admit generous amounts of light, which flood over the large concrete surfaces, bringing them to life with passing clouds through time. Therefore, one would not feel that they are enclosed by solid, heavy concrete walls surrounding them.

5 6
Figure 5: Aerial photo.
Figure 6: Side View.

Approaching from above, visitors first enter the double-height block which contains the living room before approaching the longer, single-level space containing a row of smaller rooms.

7 8 9
Figure 7: The two rectangular blocks separated by a flight of stairs, with the living room visible within.
Figure 8: The living room visible within. (Ando, 1997, p.67)
Figure 9: The bedroom wing. (Ando, 1997, p.66)

The essence of “enmeshed experience” (Holl, 2005, p.29) can be first appreciated when visitors descend a flight of stairs before entering the house. Slits of openings tend to camouflage the interior yet exposing it a little, evoking a sense of curiosity. Furthermore, light creates direction in relation to the user’s path. (Ando, 1997, p.7) The corridor leading inside brings visitors to a space lit by a series of slit windows, progressively increasing in height. It suggests spatial depth as one approach deeper into the space. When light shines, colour as a sensory experience is intensified; materials of the walls are highlighted and areas nearer to the light source are emphasized. (Holl, Pallasmaa, Perez-Gomez, 2005, p.91)

10 11
Figure 10: Exterior stairway leading to the entrance.
Figure 11: Interior corridor leading to a room. (Ando, 1997, p.68)

Figure 12: The action of light and shadow, creating monotonous tones of colour.

13 14
Figure 13: Atelier interior
Figure 14: Natural light from above the living room.

The combination of light, shadow, material, colour and the way one responds to each of it further heightens one’s experience through a space. The dematerialization of form which goes through a perceivable passage of time, through the impact of light is strikingly demonstrated in the living room of the Koshino House. Through the action of sunlight, concrete is transformed into an illusory surface. The slits tend to break the bond of the four walls that encloses the space. In view of that, the most expressive interior space is the double-height living room which features a cantilevered dining table beyond the recessed space. (Ando, 199, p.64)

15 16 17
Figure 15: The main entrance.
Figure 16: The dining area.
Figure 17: The double-height living room. Claire, N. (2007)

All of this is implied in the layered plan of the Koshino House, which is inscribed into the surrounding topography in such a way as to expose the principle rooms to the full trajectory of the sun. (Ando, 1997, p.66) However, sunlight enters more precipitously into this house from above, through a narrow precut into the roof at its junction with the wall, casting circular patterns on the floor. From this aperture, a single interrupted shaft of light descends to run its ever-changing luminosity across the adjacent concrete wall that runs the full length in the living room.

Figure 18: Sun orientation in the Koshino House.
19 20 21
Figure 19: Fragments of light created by window panes.
Figure 20: Another light source from slits on the top.
Figure 21: A single shaft of light.

In this instance, the pattern of changing light becomes increasingly organic in shape as it falls onto the continuously curved walls. This is clearly shown in this excerpt:

“…light drawn into its forms dim shadows within emptiness…We are overcome with the feeling that in this small corner of the atmosphere there reigns complete and utter silence; that here in the darkness immutable tranquility holds sway…” (Ando, 1995, p.307)

“Light is a mediator between space and form. Light changes expressions with time. I believe that the architecture materials do not end with wood or concrete that have tangible forms, but go beyond to include light and wind which appeal to our senses”. (cited in Ando, 1995, p. 306) Moreover, not only light and wind but also rain, snow and fog are to be directly experienced as one transverse, for example, the open courtyard of the Azuma Residence, Sumiyoshi, in order to pass from one room to the next.

The Azuma House is a concrete rectangular residence, aligned with other houses in the street. (Ando, 1997, p.51) This ruthlessly minimal, solid blank facade completely shuts off from the streets, focusing completely on the inside; on its own perfection. (Ando, 1997, p.50) However, Ando succeeded in creating a space so thoughtful and reflective even though he had to work against the urban chaos of the city. Having thought hard about the meaning of life and dwelling, Ando came to a close that coexistence with nature was fundamental to human life. With this, Ando marked a contrast between his concrete house and its environment. (Ando, 1995, p.11)

22 23
Figure 22: Azuma House aligned with other houses in the street. (Ando, 1997, p.51)
Figure 23: Simple form of geometry. book.html

Inserted into a row of narrow houses, the simple fa├žade stands out without breaking the rhythm of the street. Stepping through the door, one no longer needs to be conscious of the external world. (Ando, 1997, p.7) It seems to contradict because at the same time, the plain bare walls seem to reject entrance.

In the Azuma House, Ando divided the space in half, incorporating a courtyard in the centre, which is a long narrow passageway. Dealing with space constrains, Ando opened up the courtyard: enabling the dweller to look up to the sky and feel the wind blowing, stirring up emotions and purifying the spirit. It allows residents to experience nature without the distractions of the city. Besides, the absence and presence of the sunlight creates contrasting ambiances as it affects the colour and lighting of the open courtyard. The artificial lighting can be seen mirroring itself on the floor, which evokes a sense of nostalgia, serenity, tranquility and peace.

24 25
Figure 24: The different effects of lighting at the courtyard.
Figure 25: The central courtyard, with its overhead bridge linking the two living areas is open to the sky. (Ando, 1997, p.53)

With this, Ando incorporated the idea of sensory intimacy with surroundings; as a representation of nature which was seen as a form of resistance mediating between universal modernization and traditional Japanese cultures. (, 2007). No matter how advanced society becomes, a house in which nature can be sensed would ideally represent the perfect environment to live in. Hence, there are no barriers between man and his environment, both on the inside and outside, because everything exists at the same time and is interconnected.

The bedrooms were upstairs in separate halves, with the stairway leading to them going through the courtyard. (Ando, 1997, p.7) This means that the residents must carry umbrellas to move around their home on rainy days. The central section which is completely roofless had evoked the controversy of convenience to the inhabitants but Ando had explained why he considered the interior courtyard a burden worth bearing. From a functional viewpoint, the courtyard of the Azuma House forces the inhabitants to endure the occasional hardships. (Ando, 1997, p.8) At the same time, the open courtyard is capable of becoming the most essential part of the house, introducing the everyday life and assimilating precious stimuli such as changes in nature.

This very much supports Steven Holl’s theory of phenomenology which often speaks of bringing the spirit of nature in to create an engaging experiential feeling. With spaces bordering an interior courtyard, Ando attempted to return the contact with light, air, rain and other natural elements to the Japanese lifestyle. This can be seen as the action of rain calls attention to the floor material details. (Futagawa, 1993b, p.13)
Figure 26: The steps and bridge in the central courtyard after rain. (Ando, 1997, p.54)

Not only that, this small space acts as a spatial entity that attempts to balance the reduced physical space of the house. Furthermore, the courtyard doubles its function; one as a pathway and the other as light source for all rooms. Azuma house is a windowless building that only receives light through its courtyard. “In its simple but rich spatial composition, in its expression of enclosure, and in the way light gives character to daily-life spaces, this house encapsulates an image of my architecture.” (Ando, 1984, p.26)

Figure 27: Plan view of the interior.

Moreover, the feeling of “enmeshed experience” (Holl, Pallasmaa, Perez- Gomez, 2005, p.29) is apparent in the Azuma House. Light creates positive and negative spaces and these acts to direct user to follow a certain pathway. Reflections can be seen on the interior walls, persuading the user to enter in.

28 29 30
Figure 28: Section of the Azuma House.
Figure 29: The full-length glass opening creates a sense of transparency to the surrounding.
Figure 30: Light and shadow shown in the section of the house.

In addition, today’s residential spaces may be quite comfortable and functional, but a house infused with nature is more suitable for man and is more true to the basic character of the house. (Jodidio, 2007, p.449) So, by bringing in nature and light into the simple geometric form of houses, closed off from their urban context, Ando created complex spaces. As Ando stated, “I inject the extraordinary into what is the most ordinary and familiar of environments – the house - and thereby encourage people to reconsider what is ordinary.” (cited in Jodidio, 2007, p.451)

The courtyard is an important place where seasonal changes can be directly experienced and perceived by the dwellers through the senses. Also, the expression of nature changes constantly as sunlight, wind and rain brings variety to life. The courtyard is the nucleus of life that unfolds within the house and is a device to introduce experiential phenomena that are being forgotten in the urban world. (Jodidio, 2007, p.451) In this way, architecture has become the medium where man comes in contact with nature.

This made known many aspects of his mature style, including the use of simple plain concrete, and his conscious effort to admit light and wind into the defining walls of his buildings. (Ando, 1997, p. 172) At different times of the day, light shines, dramatizes and highlights different spaces especially to heighten experiential feelings.

Figure 31: The manipulation of light in spaces at different times of the day.

Ando himself consider the Azuma House to be the point of origin for his subsequent work, as he approaches the concept of connecting the art of building to the art of living. With this Ando succeeded in relating the fixed form to the kind life that will be lived in. In the case of Azuma House, the life to be lived was that of busy urban dweller whose opportunities to experience nature were few.


The artistic dimension of a work of art does not lie in the actual physical form of the building. In fact, it exists only in the consciousness of the person experiencing it. Its meaning lies not in its form, but in the images transmitted by the forms and the emotional force that they carry. Thus, phenomenological analysis makes it possible to approach the unsaid, and the implicit helps us to relate our experience of a given place in the form of a narrative or of sensory observation.

Therefore, it is clear that Ando’s concept of “space” in architecture does not only support Holl and Pallasmaa’s theory of phenomenology but also further enhances the concept of phenomenology. Ando is an architect who stresses on the importance of individual journey through a space, complete with sensory experiences as one slowly derives meanings to their own existence, bringing out the very meaning of “space” itself. He also speaks on the importance of bringing in the essence of nature as a concept to “space” especially to contemporary houses which apparently depicts a lack of sensory invitation as modernization takes place.

However, since the circumstances of the environment which we live in are meaningless and that we can only vaguely understand our existence, we hope to infuse architecture with a sense of belonging by coming into contact with the deepest aspects of human nature. (Jodidio, 2007, p.444) A “home”, thus, is a secure and peaceful place where individuals and families escape the pressures of the modern world and also express their individuality in private reflections. (Pallasmaa, 1988, p.61, 119).


Published Texts

Dietmar M.S. (2002). Steven Holl, Idea and Phenomena. Switzerland: Lars Muller Publishers.
Futagawa Y. (1993a). GA Architect 11, Steven Holl. Japan: A.D.A. EDITA Tokyo Co., Ltd.
Futagawa, Y. (1993b). GA Architect 12, Tadao Ando. Japan: A.D.A EDITA Tokyo Co., Ltd.
Holl, S. (1998). Intertwining. New York: Princeton Architectural Press., p. 11, 15.
Holl, S. (2003). Steven Holl 1986-2003. Madrid: El Croquis.
Holl, S., Pallasmaa, J. & Perez-Gomez, A. (2005). Questions of Perception : Phenomenology of Architecture. San Francisco : William Stout Publishers., p. 28-42.
Jodidio, P. (1997). Tadao Ando. Italy: Benedikt Taschen Verlag GmbH.
Jodidio, P. (2007). Tadao Ando: Complete Works. New York: Benedikt Taschen Verlag GmbH.
Nietzsche, F. (1968). The Will to Power, Book II, trans Walter Kaufmann. Random House (New York), note 461, p. 253.
Pallasmaa, J. (1998). Encounters. Helsinki, Finland: Rakennustieto Oy., p. 112-126.
Pallasmaa, J. (2005). The Eyes of the Skin. Great Britain: TJ International Ltd.


Ando, T. Architect Tadao Ando’s Exhibition: “Row House in Sumiyoshi” will be shown in a full-scale model. Retrieved Ocover 23, 2008, from gallerma/ex081003/index_e.htm (2007) Tadao Ando: Creating Dreams, Dublin. Retrieved October 23, 2008, from

Barbey, G. Towards a Phenomenology of the Home. Retrieved September 10, 2008, from

Stan, F. (2007) Thought-Provoking Interview. Retrieved Novermber 6, 2008, from

Monday, June 28, 2010

June 28

Woke up in the morning feeling like a princess,
Knowing that you're thinking of me every second of the day,
I dont know why but today gave me such a sugary feeling, maybe a little syrupy as well
Maybe there's something special happening later today? Or something I knew all along?
My alarm clock literally died of ringing, how I wish you were here to wake me up
Every single day of my later years, giving me a kiss on the cheek the moment I open my eyes,
I got up after my dad yelled at me from way down there, brushed my teeth and got myself ready for the day, packed everything, thus my jacket as well as,
Without them I'll practically freeze that my eyeballs would literally pop out of its socket
Could you imagine how cold it is in the office?
And directly placed below the air-conditioner, not like I do have a choice anyway,
Clock's ticking fast, it's already eleven in the morning,
That's two hours after I sat put on my working chair, drawing like a fanatic
Those long hours, were the times that I miss you the most, waiting for you to come and carry me home, waiting for you to take my hand and run away from all the works I've been tied down upon, all the responsibilities I am subjected onto, just like in fairytales,
I want to run to islands after islands, beaches, somewhere serene, quiet, just the two of us and what's left of nature, just to lie down on the sands of the desert, or wandering aimlessly along the streets, or cuddling with you on the roof of our car, staring at the stars, believing that they might be shooting stars, praying together, for one another, I could use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now, can we pretend that airplanes in the night skies are like shooting stars? I could really use a wish right now, wishing that you'll be here hugging me from the back while I'm typing here, then talk all night before you tuck me in bed when its time for rest,
Sayang, I miss you so much, thinking back at one pm just now when you came all the way to my work place just to have lunch with me, spending that half hour with me,
Dear, you're the best thing that had ever happened to me,
In thought that you went to three kai fan shop just to buy me steam chicken as the first two ran out of it, dear, I don't need anything, I eat anything, just so you know, it's you that I love,
whatever that you bring, whatever little things that you did for me, will always be the sweetest things in my life, we sat in the car opposite my office block and ate our kai fans happily,
and ish, you're peeking at me again dear, you know I'll blush, a lot, I'll try not to look away the next time okay, though I feel exceptionally shy when you didn't want to take your eyes off me everytime you look into my eyes, though I look away almost everytime,
My heart melted when I saw you this afternoon,
My boyfriend came all the way to bring me lunch, when he has a class to rush to at two pm, which was right after my lunch break, told you so many times that you'll be tired of travelling here and there but on the other side of my mind, I wish you'd come everyday,
but that's just too selfish of me, I know that darling, wishing everyday would pass faster so that semester 6 will start soon, and that I would be able to drive again, and meet you after college days, oh, I miss those days,
If we could hug through the phone, I'll do that every single day
If we could kiss through the screens, I'll not switch off my computer
If we could meet in our dreams, I'll sleep forever
If we could stay forever, I'll make you the happiest man in the world
As I know you've already made me your princess at heart

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Falling for you, my best friend,

How can I fall for you, I just never seen you in that way before,
But when you're around I feel like a little kid again, I can be anything
When I am around you, I want to be around you, constantly, though i may be a little manja at times, and you as well, don't deny that sayang
I belive in you, you know I do, how come I've never seen how much you mean to me,
Everytime I lie on my bed, I'll smile at the moments when I first noticed you,
Though it was a long time after we knew each other, God just love lighting sparks around, not just to strangers but also to two best friends, us
Constantly thinking of how did I fall for you
Something I thought I never would do,
I need you to know that I love you more then my friends,
I keep falling in love with you, every second, every moment of day,
How and when did I not even see it, till I felt it, but I already trust you
With everything and anything I have, something not many people have,
Never knew how much I needed you till we drifted apart,
Though its just from Cheras to Ampang, of twenty minutes distance
Never thought these feelings would start, feel like my world's gonna fall apart without you, how could I fall for my best friend,
The one who's gonna be there till the end, tell me the words to say,
the actions to take, promise me this love is not fake, if it's temporary,
Please don't say it's temporary, if it falls through, I'll be there for you,
Or if it's forever I'll stand by you.

If I had a wish...

A bell is no bell till you ring it
A song is no song till you sing it
And love in our hearts, wasn't meant to stay
The moment when I look into your blue eyes
What's the matter sayang
And oh, I love the way you call me sayang, haha
All I see is your thoughts moving inside your head
Often I'll ask you if you're okay
Though I know deep inside that you're thinking of something, concealing everything to yourself
Dear, you could share them with me
All I could do is just looking at you and smiling
All I want from you is to tell me everything, even little bits of detail
And tell me you feel the same rage of love like I do
I don't know what I would do if I never met such a sweet guy like you
Though we actually knew each other five years ago
How I wish I could bottle up all the sweet little kisses of yours
How I wish I could freeze all the hugs that we wish it'll never end
How I wish I could cuddle with you all night long till I fall asleep on your chest
I never felt so close to anyone like the way I am with you
Just so you know, I will always be here no matter what we go through
No matter what february brings, darling, I'll still love you
You're always on my mind, I can't seem to get you out
I love you a lot, more that you'll ever thought, I really miss you right
We were best friends, now we're even more
Yet, you're still my best friend, that I love so much
We are so close, that our hearts have touched.

Let our love be like the misty rains, coming softly, but flooding the river
Let's walk a mile and not talk

I want to hold your hand and walk a mile..
Don't want to miss you, even a while..
Cause missing you kills me..
Not being able to see you kills me twice..
Hug me for my worries to die..
My tears to dry and my loneliness to fly..
I know how much you longed to fly..
But dear, please, you might die..
It hurts me to know..
how I sometimes can be a little selfish when it comes to you..
I am getting sentimental over you..
For good sake explain me why all these..darling i love you..

I miss you every moment of the day..
I keep myself awake just to listen to you..
I keep myself empty just for you to fill..
I keep myself alive just to see you..
As my mornings miss you..
And my evenings seek you..
Even seconds are too long to miss you..
I want to hold your hand and walk a mile..
Like we did at urbanscapes today..
Don't want to miss a single thing with you, even if it's just for a while..

Thursday, June 24, 2010

It never ends...

I want to hold your hand across the table at a restaurant
I want others in the restaurant to be jealous of our intimacy and tender affection for one another
I want to lie next to you in front of a fire and gaze into your eyes while I rub your back
I want to rub your leg and stare acorss the couch as we talk of our feelings for one another
I want you to know how handsome you are in my eyes
I want you to know how much I cherish and adore you
I want you to know that I appreciate every day you've dedicated for me, just for me
I want to listen to your voice all night long and not hang up on the phone though it's just hearing you breathe, so
I gave you my heart

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

That's the way, aha aha!

Lyrics that won us third place at Archustic! HAHAH!
I love you guys alot x) Go Group 19!
That's the way aha aha, we like it, aha aha!
That's the way aha aha, we like it, aha ahaaa! yay!

Well, you bagi-bagi i buat alat muuuzik,
I cuba buat tapi rasa macam tak jadi...
Tak tau nak buat macam mana,
But we try our very be-est!

Before the cool down run out I'll be giving it my bestest,
And nothing's gonna stop me but modern technology,
I reckon it's again my turn,
To win some or learn some..

But I won't hesitate no more,
No more, it cannot wait, I'm Yours,
There's no need to complicate our time is short,
It is our aim, I'm Yours..

Chorus (cross with bridge)

Bridge 1
Now open up your facebook and see my page,
Pergi kedai mamak dan online,
Ada wifi tapi tak ada plug plug plug plug,
Takde bateri macam mana i nak buat kerja,
Kerja tak siap takleh pergi crit,
Nanti i kantoi macam mana na na na naaaaaaaaaaa...!! (jeng jeng jeng

So, I won't hesitate no more,
No more, it cannot wait, I'm Yours,
There's no need to complicate our time is short,
It is our aim, I'm Yours..

Bridge 2 (cross with chorus)
(Alicia Keys, (No One)'s melody)

Tech-no-lo-gy memudahkan kita-ahh,
Can't get in the way of what i feel for you,
Tech-no-lo-gy memberikan faedah,
Just like Cad, sketch up and 3d

So, I won't hesitate no more,
No more, it cannot wait, I'm Yours,
There's no need to complicate our time is short,
It is our aim, I'm Yours..

Bridge 3 (all together)
(melody same as bridge 1)

Teknologi di masa kini,
Modular banyak digunakan,
Semuanya sudah diperting- kat kat kat kan...
Banyaknya bangunan tinggi-tinggi-tinggi belaka,
Struktur yang kukuh dan yang utuh
Semuanya sungguh menakjub- kan kan kan kan kannnnnnnn...!! (weee...!)

Chorus (acapella)
So, I won't hesitate no more,
No more, it cannot wait, I'm Yours,
There's no need to complicate our time is short,
It is our aim, I'm Yours....

Thank You =)


Group 19!!

That's the way aha aha, we like it, aha aha!
When you...

...told me you're going to be away; when you told me it's going to be for a few days; when you told me you've got to work this weekend; when you told me you'll miss me; when you told me you didn't want to go; i didn't want you to go. I hate to let you go. But being in your superior's shoes, I understand how it feels like to be short of hands in times of need. Yet, deep inside I hope that you'll never go. That you'll never leave me alone. Though you had to go, please don't go? I'll miss you. Will you miss me as much as I'll miss you? Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you already. Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems to diminish. I just want to be with you and hold you, keeping your hands warm everyday. I want to gently touch your face and cup your cheek in my hand as I gaze into your beautiful little eyes. I want to snuggle and cuddle with you, to just be close to you, like the blue birds flying by, dozing off at your shoulders to the softly sighs of the rainbows. Come to think of it, we haven't seen rainbows together before, or did we? All I know was that you painted my rainbows two months back and since then, everything bitter magically turned sweet, shortly again as we'll meet, make our absence sweet. Though I'll still be missing you now and then. Just like if I'd drop a tear in the ocean, the day you find it will be the day I'll stop missing you. Missing someone gets easier everyday I guess because eventhough it is one day further from the last time you saw each other, it is one day closer to the next time you will. Ps: I love you.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Paul Anka
Times of Your Life

Good morning, yesterday
You wake up and time has slipped away
And suddenly it’s hard to find
The memories you left behind
Remember, do you remember?
The laughter and the tears
The shadows of misty yesteryears
The good times and the bad you’ve seen
And all the others in between
Remember, do you remember
The times of your life?
Reach out for the joy and the sorrow
Put them away in your mind
The memories are time that you borrow
To spend when you get to tomorrow
Here comes the setting sun
The seasons are passing one by one
So gather moments while you may
Collect the dreams you dream today
Remember, will you remember
The times of your life?
How it all began...

Thinking of you...

I was thinking of you, though its just a short while ago
I missed your sweet kiss, and I loved your precious smile
I was just thinking of you and your beautiful eyes
Just looking into mine, They’ll tell no lies

I was thinking at times when you caught me looking
When I quickly turned my head to blush
I was thinking of how you carried me behind your back
Thinking of you holding on to me
The way I felt, the way it could be
I was thinking of you when I felt my heart ache
Knowing I had your love, a love that will never break
I was thinking of you to tell you I’d try
To give you pure love, till the day that I die
I was thinking of you letting me care
Just to let you know, I’ll always be there

Sunday, May 16, 2010

I guess..

I'll just have to record down every single moment
Every little moment that meant so much to me
Sweet fairy tale memories, I can't believe this is happening to me
Finally coming true after nineteenth and a half years
Everything felt like a dream. So vivid so real, freaking awesome!
Nolah, it's not a dream. I tried pinching myself a few times and yeah, the moments real
Couldn't ever expected any more than this. Life seemed perfect
The emptiness in my heart filled and sowed tight and secure
Life just started, at 5.00pm 30042010. My clock finally started ticking
And time ain't running out, as far as I hope
I wanna be free

I wanna be free,
Like the bluebirds flying by me
Like the waves out on the blue sea.
If your love has to tie me, don't try me,
Say good-bye.

I wanna be free,
Don't say you love me say you like me,
But when I need you beside me,
Stay close enough to guide me, confide in me,

I wanna hold yur hand,
Walk along the sadn
Laughing in the sun,
Always having fun
Doing all those things
Without any strings
To tie me down.

I wanna be free,
Like the warm September wind, babe,
Say you'll always be my friend, babe.
We can make it to the end, babe,
Again, babe, I gotta say:
I wanna be free
I wanna be free
I wanna be free
Echoes of Rainbow

This movie revolves on a heart-warming story of a shoemaker's family back in 1960's Hong Kong. The shoemaker Mr Law (Simon Yam) has 2 sons; the 16-year old Desmond (Aarif Lee) who is a model student in a famous English school from which his parents are always proud of. In contrast, his 7 year-old younger Eig Ears (Buzz Ching) is playful and naughty and a cute cry baby. Mr Law works hard not only to pay the school fees of his sons but also to feed the corrupted society.

"Believe" is the spirit that has always been incalcated to both Desmond and Big Ears by their mother (Sandra Ng), even when Desmond is unfortunately diagnosed with leukemia which devastates his bright future awaits. Desmond's inevitable death gives a very important lesson to Big Ears that he eventually grows up to take after his elder brother.

Thoughout the film, you shall be teared by the family's noble love along with several soul-catching songs like I Wanna Be by The Monkees and Echoes of the Rainbow.

I wanna be free,
Like a bluebirds flying by me,
Like the waves out on the blue sea,
If your love has to tie me, don't try me,
Say goodbye.

Echoes of Rainbow
~Aarif Lee

Softly sighs the Rainbow
Misty songs of old
Flowing by the skyline
My secret lullaby

Softly sighs the rainbow
Stories seldom told
Flowing by the skyline
My love songs that never rhyme

Stand alone by my secret rainbow
My secret rainbow

That I'll reveal to you someday~

Other than you..

If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

glad that i've found you

Saturday, May 1, 2010

I remember...

I remember our every first.
How our hands touched, though just a little while.
I thought I was silly back then when I do things based on instincts
Like staring at your picture blankly for hours and hours
Photoshopping my picture in yours assuring myself that we both looked good together
Peeking at you constantly when you are not looking, then pretending to be doing other things when you suddenly looked my way
Smiling wide when you are near me, dreaming that you'll wink at me
Pretending to be normal when you talked to me
Calming myself down from shivers and chills when you stared at me
Trying not to melt when your eyes locked mine
I guess I should have stayed in the freezer then, not coming out till you lead me
And because whenever I feel cold I'd wish that you are there by me
Though most of the times, thinking of you already warmed me
At first I dare not think of us as more than what we were, knowing all along that we were friends for so long and shared the same gang of friends. I really did not think much, thus I sort of let you go slowly, though i feel bitter heartaches every night wanting you yet not wanting you. Anyway, who am I to dream of such dreams, that wishes would come true? That my life was always meant to be a fairytale? I am nobody. I am not pretty I am not talented. I am not smart. I am not good at anything. I am boring. I am not an entertainer. I am not humourous. I am not outspoken. I am not fun. I am not like other girls. I meant, I am not as good as them. I can never compare myself to them. I am nothing compared to them. But you said that I am not like other girls. I am not like other girls? What? Am I not as good? I know, sigh. But then you told me that you meant the other way around. That I am me, I have my own style. That you love me for who I am. I felt that I was worth it for that split second. To you, at least and definitely to my parents and God. You were the only one who told me I am not boring, though I constantly asked you this when we were together for that moment. I needed assurance I knew you could gave me. And true to the fact, you did. You told me a bunch of stuffs that you love to do, and as I listened, I began to see how we were so much alike. As in, how could this be possible? How could my fairytale other half be you? Will my other half even exist? OMG Why am I writing this when I already have you? HAHAHAH! Luckiest girl on the planet <3

Friday, April 30, 2010


I just want to sit in bed and snuggle and eat cereal and watch stupid movies with you all day long. I just want to cuddle in your arms looking at the blue sky fade into darkness as we both fall asleep. I just want to lean against you and feel your every heartbeat and do nothing else all day long as you hug me to sleep not letting me go. I love listening to you breathe when you're sleeping cause it calms my heart down. And I just want to be silent and listen to you talk about your past and silly things that you've done. I just want to cry knowing that you're by my side to cheer me up with hugs and kisses. I just want you to piggy back me all day long strolling through the park as I rest my head on your shoulders whispering sweet talks to you. I don't just want to imagine you by my side cause I miss you like crazy, every minute spent without you I'm lost. I just want to tell you that to find someone who will love you for no reason, and to shower that person with reasons, that is the ultimate happiness. Shall we compare our hearts to a garden, with beautiful blooms, swooping birds and sunshine and rain and darkness. I just want to tell you that we loved with a love that was more than love. Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly. And a bell is no bell till you ring it. And a song is no song till you sing it. And love in your heart, wasn't put there to stay. As love isn't love till you give it away. I gave it away once, but that was brief as when I grieved I realized that I have not actually given it away. Time is definitely too slow for those who wait. 20 years I've waited for you to come into my life, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. Our past is behind us, love is in front and all around us. Though I know a hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you and love is not singular except in syllable as well. I've never felt as comfortable and as relaxed as when I am with you though I am definitely shaking nervously inside screaming at the top of my lungs when you said you love me. I just want to spend every sunset and sunrise with you, feeling your sweet kisses in the morning and before I sleep. I want to wake up with your eyes locked onto mine as I turned over to avoid your eyes nervous and shy. I want to wake up with gray hair and denches still finding ourselves cuddling like everyday. I just want to hold your hands and not talk yet with a comfortable silence that makes me smile to myself silly as I peeked at you and you back at me. Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart. I just want to play with your fingers all day long like how you stroked my hair with such gentleness which caught chills down my spine. Sometimes we make love with our eyes. Sometimes we make love with our hands, always we make love with our hearts. And I just want to giggle as you tickle me non stop when I mess around with you and then you pulled me back towards you. I just want to be close to you like how birds appear everytime when you are near. I just don't want to miss a thing with you because by missing a thing with you, I'm missing a piece of my life. We are both imperfect as we were meant to perfect each other and love each other till the other doesn't anymore. Tell me you love me will you? Tell me you love me everyday. Tell me over six billion souls in the world, I'm the only one you want. Tell me I'm worth it. Tell me I told you, it's you. Tell me do I love you because you're beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you? Tell me when love is not madness, it is not love. Tell me there is no surprise more magical than the surprise of being loved. Tell me if I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden. Tell me to the world I might be just one person, but to you, I am your world. Tell me love is a symbol of eternity wiping out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all the fears of ends. Tell me hate leaves ugly scars but love leaves beautiful ones. Tell me I'm yours. I am already yours. For you see, each day I love you more. Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow. So, tell me how many beads are there in a silver chain of evening rain, unravelled from the tumbling main, and threading the eye of a yellow star, so many times I've tried, and I finally found love today, in you. I love you.
Love is a cycle

When you love, you get hurt
When you get hurt, you hate
When you hate, you try to forget
When you try to forget, you start missing
And when you start missing...
You'll eventually fall in love again
And I did
I love you

Sunday, April 25, 2010

I wished for it

i wished for it
Constantly wished for it
And now it came through
Everything came through
Though its not perfect
I'll make it perfect
I know it'll be perfect~

Saturday, April 24, 2010

My cries,

Love is a funny thing
Sometimes, we feel the strong need to keep our love a secret
From the object of our affection, for various reasons
They could still be attached
They may consider us as 'bestfriends' and we don't want to endanger it
Or maybe we just haven't come to terms with our feelings
The attempts that we have already made were all suddenly interrupted.
When we finally confess, it's like pulling our own teeth.
Though I know of no joy, greater after the sweetness of confession
I've waited so long, I've waited forever
And I'll never let you go will I?
I've been searching for you since I took my first breath
All I long for is to love you till my last breath
From the moment I saw you I knew
I was looking for you
Can I wake up now? Can someone shake me hard?
Can I believe what I'm feeling?
And to be sure I wasn't dreaming still
I felt it in my heart, and it burst
I was in pain, deep pain, torn between me and you
I want you, yet thinking from your perspective, I don't want you
I just don't want to see you cry
I don't want to see you hurt
As when you're hurt, you're hurting me as well
And when I cry, I know your heart's crying too
Two confused souls, still wondering around, still
We've found our stops, but will we stop?
Baby, its killing me
As tears rolled down my eyes
When I saw what you wrote
My heart's burning
I don't want to keep running
Cause I'll always end up at you
You're just...

Sweeter than honey
Warm as a piece of the sun
And darker than night to a blind man
Yet softer than sharlit shining
Piercing through my heart
Melting my soul
You sent shivers down my spine
Just by looking at you
I don't want to miss a thing with you

You're just the best thing I ever had
Though it seemed so dejavu
I know deep inside that its not
Yet, I didn't want to believe it
I just didn't want to go through what I went through
Yet, again, cause I know I'm weak, weaker than you think I am
Though I can't seem to dance you out of my mind
Sometimes I'd just hide away in the nights
A place where you won't find me
A place where I might feel safe
But, I'll hear shoutings in my heart
Shattering them in millions, sometimes trillions
Till I'm unable to spread my wings, unable to fly to your side
When you satisfy my days and nights
Gratify my appetites, I never felt so good
I've always wanted to know how would it feel
When you filled the gaps of my fingers with yours
Come to think of it, that might be why God created it that way
I need you, though you'll never know

Thursday, April 22, 2010

it did...
it met, accidentally i guess x)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Like what Liz said,

Cherish the moment, cherish each moment
So that no gaps will be left for regrets in later years
A part of me agreed to this, yet a part of me did not want to risk it
Or just incapable of risking it, so to speak
Life indeed is just like a brief candle, so vulnerable
We wouldn't know what's going to happen to us the next ten minutes
Unless you're psychic! HAHA
So why not go with the flow, go where the wind blows
To wherever it takes you
Take the path not taken all these while, take risks! Be bold
You'll have fun! And you may get a whole new perspective from that one step
One step which could make a huge difference in life
Cherish the moments, as we live
Cherish the lives we live
Don't be miserable! Be happy as you used to be
Life shouldn't be filled with regrets
Regrets suck! Have you ever experienced them?
I guess I did too, everyone should have at least one!
Though you're still a confused soul, just do what your heart tells you to
You're a strong girl, so don't think too much, just go out and enjoy to the fullest!
Chances don't happen twice, even if you want it too
Chances won't return, even if you cry your lungs out
Chances are opportunities that you should grab hold and not let go

Chances are not like rainbows, appearing everytime after the rain, unless you pray
Chances are rare and when you miss the chance
All you'll dream of are stars falling down one by one
At you

You freed my confused soul
No one ever succeeded
Though not no one, there was one
It had been a while since that one came along
And it had been a while since I'd love
I could love, yet I couldn't
I could give, yet I pulled back
I just didn't want to be hurt a second time
I did not want to give it a second chance
I just don't have the courage to
Do you? Tell me honestly
Do you feel the same way I do?
Do you feel the hurt that's been following you all these years?

I'm a little scared, so would you?
Comfort me, hold me, tell me I'm yours, tell me there's nothing to worry about
I've got soul, yes, still a confused soul
I've got soul, but I'm not a soldier
I'll never be, I'm weak, I'm vulnerable, I'm easily shattered
I was shattered once, my soul into pieces
Piece them up will you?
And glue them tight so they won't shatter any longer
Will you?

Monday, April 19, 2010


Everytime I look into your eyes
There's a pleasant surprise
Awaiting me and amazing me
Everything happened so fast, time passed so fast
Wish I could freeze moments, like Hiro Nakamura x) LOL!
Moments I did not need to pretend
Moments where I just laughed and be free
Like a bird you flew with me
Through everything
You called and just hung on for as long
There's just no uncomfortable silence between us
Though I just need to spend one moment with you
I've learnt to let you go and fly as you dream
Another moment
Somehow everything turned new
In the world I'm passing through
Over the waters that surrounded me
You wiped away my tears and sorrows
Getting to see you and feel you
You're always there
Our heads met when I curled up
You held my hands to keep me warm
Though its just for a split second I could recall every touch
And smile as I gazed at my own
How I wished you did not let go, something I could only dream of
Your voice that put me to sleep
Though I did not see you in my dreams
Why would I want to dream
When everything seems so real

Sunday, April 18, 2010

As Always...

Sitting by the window, waiting by the phone, sleeping all alone
Confused and dazed to actually realize how much I liked the tune
That it might come from you
You kept me waiting, I like waiting, though just a little
But sometimes its otherwise, our dreams kept us apart
Leading me to places of my own fantasy, which I loved a lot
Though you're not in it, but thinking of you before i drown in dreams
Are simply amazing
Counting you instead of counting sheeps, the thought of it itself
Is already sweet
And oh, reminds me of the bouncy thing that had been with me for quite some time
Right next to my window I kept it by my side
As long as I could as by looking at it I feel you by me
Cheering me up from my sorrows and lone
Remove that will you? I'm feeling the strain in me
Looking for the light through the pouring rain
I guess my hopes wouldn't come true, thought I really thought it would be beautiful
I know it will, at least that carried me through
Thanks for the joy that you've given me
I just want you to know I believe in your song, in everything that you are
Your rhythm and rhyme and harmony
And when my mind is free, you know melody can move me
And when I am feeling blue, your guitar came through to soothe me
You know, now that there is something, maybe it is just me
Still, not yet, find the exact arms, no longer
Though you may escape, leaving me lifeless, lost and confused once again
Your voice calms my every moment, like music in my ears
And your breath composes sweet surrenders
Like lullaby to my ears making me drowse and slumber, silence
Being still for hours yet knowing there's someone keeping you company
Though separated by a screen
Left me wondering why I always end up smiling after he's asleep
The feeling of someone looking out for you, someone being there for you
Hours passed, how I enjoyed every bit
Falling asleep thinking of how your hands might fit perfectly into mine
How your kisses send shivers and chills to my spine
And how your fingers would wander through my hair when I am asleep
I just can't get you out of me
Moments when we just sit together and talk forever just to pass time
Watching the sun rise and set every single day
When your eyes met mine, I turned over, yet I stared when you're not looking
Walking passed hoping that you'll notice but I guess you were just too busy
Discouraged, though I realize, it is hard to take courage
With those sad eyes, I took them away, in this world full of people
It is easy to lose sight of them all, and it just makes me smaller
Right then you came up to me and oh boy my heart pounded
Mesmerized by your beauty, I couldn't forget the way you looked at me
My heart was skipping beats, my head spinned
I felt so very shy, wonders if you feel it too
Like dejavu back in highschool
I guess I am in love, should I wait for the flowers to blossom on its own?